Ridiculous Challenge: Guy Sensei VS Kakashi Sensei
by cow ninja
Summary: Team 7 and Team Guy are asked to come up with challenges for their Senseis to try to beat each other in. But even the most harmless challenge can end up in pain and destruction.
1. Ramen

Ridiculous Challenge: Guy Sensei VS Kakashi Sensei

**RAMEN**

_Training Ground 3_

"Alright teams, listen up! As you all know me and Kakashi have had a rivalry going for a while now….. a rivalry that I am currently winning by three points. Recently we have run out of things to do, which brings me to why we have assembled you here. We would like the six of you to compile a list of challenges that will ultimately decide who is better, me….. The Handsome Beast Might Guy. Or…... that book readin freak also known as the Copy Cat Ninja Kakashi Hatake. Any questions?

Sasuke was the first to raise his hand.

"This is pointless" he objected "We could be going on a mission or training to improve our abilities." "Well" Kakashi interrupted "Even ninja have to take breaks. Besides, depending on the challenges you guys come up with you might learn something. Think of it as a learning exercise."

The genin looked at each other puzzled at their sensei's request.

"So! Any ideas?" silence "Come on!"

Naruto reluctantly raised his hand. "Yes Naruto."

"Ah, umm" Naruto stuttered "How about a ramen eating contest?"

CHALLENGE # 1: RAMEN EATING CONTEST

_Ramen Stand_

"I can't believe they're actually gonna do this" sighed Sakura. "I know" Tenten agreed.

"Go Guy Sensei!" Lee cheers.

Meanwhile Guy and Kakashi prepare for the task ahead.

"Are you ready to do this Kakas……Ssts…Stop reading that stupid book!! This is Serious." Guy yelled. Obviously irritated."Yeah, yeah" Kakashi mumbled while putting away his beloved book. "Here you go!" Ayame smiled handing the ninja the 20 bowls of king sized ramen they ordered. "Ok! First one of us to eat 10 bowls of ramen wins…. and loser has to pay for all this ramen. Got it!" "Yeah, yeah."

"Spss…Sakura." Naruto whispered "Who do you think is gonna win?" "Beats me" Sakura wondered while stroking her index finger to her chin. "This is Pointless" Sasuke muttered standing with his arms folded beside Neji, who somehow found a way to tune out the events unfolding. "Maybe so" Sakura continued "But still, I have to admit this is pretty interesting."

_For clarity it should be noted that all six genin are sitting on or standing near a bench located in front of the ramen stand facing their sensei's backs._

"Ready….Set….Go!"

Bowl 1

Guy and Kakashi immediately grabbed a bowl of ramen and began rapidly chewing and slurping the noodles at inhuman speeds. It seemed like only seconds passed before they were on their second bowl, both unwilling to slow down.

Bowl 2

"I won't lose to you Kakashi" Guy thought while briefly looking up to check how his longtime rival was fairing. Realizing that they were, at this point evenly matched Guy at once sped up his pace. However……

Bowl 3

Something wasn't right. "What is this weird feeling?" wondered Guy. "It feels as if I'm missing something…..but what?!

Meanwhile…

"Something's not right!" Sasuke remarked, unsure of what that something was. "I feel it to" Sakura added "What do you think it is Sasuke?"

Bowl 4

Naruto was annoyed. "Wait, what are you guys talking about. I don't feel anything." "Of course not. You're the village idiot!!" Naruto now angered at what was just said stood up and approached Sasuke.

Bowl 5

"What was that Sasuke?!" "I have no reason to repeat myself to a clumsy loser like you." Sasuke scuffed. Naruto smirked evilly. "Ke…keep talkin and I'm gonna punch your face in!" "Loser I'd like to see you try!" With that Naruto and Sasuke proceeded to grab and beat the crap out of each other.

Bowl 6

"You guys are so immature" Sakura thought to herself.

Naruto and Sasuke continue fighting until Sasuke pins Naruto to the ground. "Just you wait Sasuke. After I'm finished with you you're gonna have to wear a mask like Kakashi Sensei!" Echoes

Bowl 7

At that moment team 7 realized the shocking truth. They had never seen their sensei's real face before. Kakashi + Ramen + Eat equal No mask.

Bowl 8

THE MASK!! The three genin screamed as they dashed madly toward the Ramen stand. Overhearing the commotion Guy also realized that he to has never seen the whole face of his rival.

Bowl 9

Guy's curiosity was getting the best of him. The temptation was too great. He could

#1 choose to take a peek at Kakashi's face and possibly lose the challenge. #2 he could continue eating and possibly never get another chance to see what really was behind the mask. Or better yet. #3 he could look while still eating the last of his ramen and keep his current pace. Let's try #3.

Final Bowl

Guy slowly raised his eyes but continued eating ramen as fast as possible. Guy could now see it. The man behind the mask, the holy light, the full face of his rival Kakashi Hatake. Such beauty, such splendor, such a distraction that at that moment Guy bit off is tongue. Girly screams followed by blood filled the air.

Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura where oblivious to the shrieks of pain, all they cared about at that moment was finally seeing their sensei's face. Suddenly…something uncanny happened.

Itatchi and Kisame blurred by!

Sasuke couldn't help himself. Forgetting all about Kakashi and his mask Sasuke stopped, turned 180 degrees, and dashed after the two. But not before tripping Naruto causing him to push Sakura who, fell face first into the ground shattering her nose and breaking 5 teeth after witch she went unconscious. Naruto tried desperately to regain his lost balance. But Naruto being the special case that he is decided to use speed to correct this conundrum. Look it up

Bad Idea!! He slammed right into the Ramen stand breaking his leg in three places. The impact caused his headband to fly off and crash into the stove Located in the Ramen stand which then ignited, setting the ramen stand, Ayame and Naruto's hair on fire.

Team Guy was in shock Might Guy is in literal shock due to loss of blood as they could do nothing but watch the horror unfold. It was then that Kakashi finished his ramen only to find the gruesome scene. Turns out during the contest Kakashi was listening to the Titanic soundtrack on his I-pod; he didn't notice a thing.

As for Sasuke….He has learned a valuable lesson. Chidori + Kisame's Shark Skin equal No left hand.

Kakashi wins this round.

cow ninja


	2. Poetry

Ridiculous Challenges: Guy Sensei VS Kakashi Sensei

****

**POETRY**

_Training Ground 3_

Team Guy is waiting for Kakashi to arrive.

"Sorry I'm late, there was a new bookstore opening. I didn't expect to stay so long"

"Can you take anything else besides your book seriously! Were in the middle of a competition and your going to book stores." Kakashi then turned to Guy appearing puzzled. "I'm sorry. Did you say something?" "Just you wait" Guy thought "I'll beat you this time for sure." "Oh, by the way Guy how's your tongue" "My tongue is fine thank you. Perfectly healed thanks to our Hokage."

"Excuse me" Tenten interrupted. "How are Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura doing?"

"Well" Kakashi mumbled. "Sakura was released from the hospital and should be joining us soon. As for Sasuke and Naruto, they…..

_Leaf Village Hospital: Room 240_

Sasuke is lying in bed, where he begins to have a nightmare. "Must. I...must avenge my clan. Wh…why Itatchi! Why! Sasuke shakes violently in bed and sparks emit from his left nub as he screams Chidori!!

_Tsunade's Office_

"That's impossible Naruto! Something of this magnitude has never been done in the history of the Leaf Village. I can't just jump up and do something like that." "Bu…but granny Tsunade , please I can't go on living like this. How am I supposed to become Hokage in this condition? Come on! You fixed Rock Lee."

Shizune now enters the room. "Oh, I'm sorry Lady Tsunade. I didn't know you were in a meeting." "It's okay" Tsunade sighed. "Naruto…I'll think about it and get back to you in the morning. Alright?"

Naruto frowns, grabs his crutches and proceeds to limp out of Tsunade's office. Shizune closes the door after Naruto exits.

"So…Lady Tsunade. What did Naruto want? It sounded important." Tsunade shrugs her sholders. "Not really. That knuckle head wants me to perform a hair transplant."

_Back to Training Ground 3_

"Anyway, they wont be coming so lets move on to the next challenge." "Are you sure that's wise Neji objected. "I mean, I'm not superstitious but yesterday could very well have been a sign" Guy interrupts "Neji….Shutup and come up with the next challenge or me and Lee are coming over your house for dinner tonight. Don't think I wont do it! I'll even wear my new training boxers. Neji throws up repeatedly in his mind at the thought. "Please!! Please don't, god no…how about a ahh….po..etry contest.?"

CHALLEGE # 2: POETRY WRITING CONTEST

_Academy Rooftop_

"Alright Kakashi, the rules are simple. Whoever's poem gets the best reviews from fellow villagers wins this round. Lee, Neji, Tenten. Go find us an audience, preferably cute and pretty girls then report back he" rooftop explodes. "What the" All ninja avoid injury and watch as the smoke clears.

"Orochimaru!!"

"It's been awhile Kakashi." He hissed. "And even you Guy, still wearing that gay outfit…have you no shame man?" "Shut up!" Guy snapped "You got some nerve coming to the Leaf Village after what you've done!" "Well. Lucky for you I have no intention of destroying it right now. What I want to know is what happened to Sasuke!? yelled Orochimaru. "You can only imagine my surprise, after coming all this way to claim my new body….only to find it missing a hand! This is far from funny, and I'm afraid has left me in the mood to kill. I guess I'll start with you two fools and those worthless genin!!

Orochmaru begins hand signs

"Neji, Lee, Tenten!! This is to dangerous, run while you have the chance. Kakashi and I will handle him, go!"

The genin at once begin to flee the roof top only to be pursued by snakes while Guy and Kakashi fight Orochimaru. Meanwhile…. Naruto and Sakura are on their way to meet Kakashi and team Guy when they catch sight of smoke coming from the Academy Rooftop.

"Sakura, I don't think that looks so good"

"You're right. Maybe we should go somewhere else…like home?"

"Hey, isn't that Bushy Brow and Tenten over there?"

"You mean running towards us?"

"Yeah" Naruto nodded. "I wonder why they're running. Pretty fast too" Naruto turns around only to find Sakura gone. "Wa…Sakura, wait Whats wrong!?" Lee and Tenten run pass Naruto in full sprint, after witch Naruto turns back around and is now face to face with 5 giant Vipers……. "This Sucks"

"Leaf Hurricane!!"

Lee charges in to save Naruto only to get his foot caught in one of the deadly snakes mouth. Naruto still with broken leg readys Rasengan.

"Raseng…." Before Naruto can finish he is beaten into the ground with Lee's limp body. By the snake of course. The snake continues pounding, cracking Lee's Ribs and pulling his leg out the socket. Naruto cries for help as the other 4 snakes pursue Sakura and Tenten.

_Back to the Academy Rooftop_

"As expected from one of the legendary Sanin" said Guy out of breath. "You're skills are truly remarkable" Orochimaru smiles. "I suppose I should thank you for the complement but…" A piece of falling paper catches his attention. "What's this?...A beautiful poem by: Might Guy!! Are you freaking kidding me? What the…."

_Back to Sakura and Tenten_

The two girls began to tire out.

"Sakura, I think we should split up."

"Why?"

"Well staying together isn't helping so why not?"

"Fine…I'll go left you go right."

"Ok"

The to separate, and for some odd reason all 4 snakes follow Tenten. Sakura stops after noticing she is no longer being followed. "Looks like I lost them." Tenten continue to run for her life. "Get away from me!" With all 4 snakes still in pursuit Tenten decides to try to lose them in the Forest Of Death.

Meanwhile… Sakura is walking home. "That was close. It'd really be a pain if I had to go to the hospital aga…Crap!! Sakura trips on her own foot and shatters her nose for a second time.

_Leaf Village Hospital_

Guy and Kakashi are walking down the hall.

"Well that was certainly a weird turn of events"

"That's for sure" Guy agreed "Who knew Orochimaru liked poetry. And even more shocking, who knew he'd like my poem better than yours."

You Guys probably want to know what happened to Neji and Tenten. So…Neji slipped off the Academy Rooftop and was trampled by Orochimaru's snakes, leaving him with a concussion. Doctors still don't know how bad his brain has been damaged. As for Tenten; the Anbu Black Ops have yet to find her.

Guy wins this round.

cow ninja

Your Reviews and comments are greatly appreciated.


	3. Tenten

Ridiculous Challenge: Guy Sensei VS Kakashi Sensei

**TENTEN**

_Training Ground 3_

"Ok! You guys are no doubt wondering why you're here, so let me explain. See, me and kakashi have had a little rivalry going for a long time now and we were having a hard time thinking of new stuff to do….ya know compete in. So we want you 3 to come up with a list of challenges for us."

Shikamaru raises his hand.

"Exactly why can't you get your own teams to do this?"

"Well we did and….ah stuff happened".

"What do ya mean stuff".

"Alright it's like this" Guy sighed "Sasuke lost his hand, Sakura broke her nose….twice. Naruto is….wait. Hey Kakashi where's Naruto?

Kakashi stops reading his book and looks up at Guy. "Naruto?"

"Yeah Naruto"

"I don't know….exactly."

"Actually" Said Ino "He was at my house early this morning. I figured he was pullin some kinda joke, but he said something about a hair transplant".

_Sand Village: Temari"s House_

"Let me get this straight. Your hair caught on fire, and now you need me to donate some of my hair so you can have a hair transplant."

"Yeah, pretty weird huh." Naruto smiled.

"Naruto"

"Ye…yes."

"Go away"

"But wait ple.." Temari slams the door.

_Back to Training Ground 3_

"Moving on. Neji has a concussion and possibly brain damage, Lee has a broken rib. 3 cracked ribs, a cracked pelvis and his leg is dislocated. Oh yeah and Tenten is lost somewhere.

"And you're continuing?!" Ino objected.

"Yes. Any who we need you to help us with those challenges. Any suggestions?"

Shikamaru again raised his hand.

"Shouldn't you be looking for Tenten then?"

"Why?"

"That's cruel man. Seriously she's part of your team right, you should at least try to find her."

"Shikamaru's right Kakashi. It would be selfish on our part to continue this rivalry and not look for Tenten. So….lets make looking for Tenten part of the challenge!"

CHALLENGE #3: FIND TENTEN CONTEST

"Ok! First one of us to find Tenten and bring her back here wins! You ready Kakashi."

"I'm sorry did you say something? Just kidding I'm ready."

"That's not funny anymore. Shikamaru, Ino, Choji. You guys stay here…..Alright, lets go!

With that the 2 ninja teleported leaving Team 10 behind. "What a drag" Shikamaru sighed. Ino gets up. "Hey, where are you going Ino?" asked Choji. "I just wanna pay Sakura a visit" Ino sneered. "I'll be back, don't worry." Ino leaves Choji and Shikamaru.

"Hey Choji"

"Yeah Shikamaru"

"Wanna play cards?"

"Fine with me"

_Somewhere in the Leaf Village_

Kakashi searches for Tenten.

"Hmm, this is gonna be harder than expected." Kakashi thought. "I guess it'll be quicker to have my ninja hounds find her. Summoning Jutsu!!" The ninja dogs appear, eagerly awaiting orders. "Alright guys. I need you to find someone for me"

Meanwhile Guy also searches for Tenten by asking fellow villagers if any have seen her.

"Excuse me sir have you seen this girl" Guy asks holding up a picture of Tenten.

"No I'm afraid I haven't, sorry."

"Hey you, sir have you seen this person?"

"No"

_Training Ground 3_

Shikamaru and Choji are eating chips and playing cards.

"Choji you bring any thing else besides chips?"

"Yeah! Actually I brought hotdogs, chicken, rice, soda, beer, ha…"

"I'll take the….Oh crap."

"What's wrong Shikamaru?"

"We got company."

"Huh." Choji looks over to see 5 giant snakes dragging a body. "Isn't that Tenten?"

"Looks like it" Sighed Shikamaru. "I guess we should save her but, to be honest I really don't feel like it."

"That's pretty heartless Shikamaru. We have to do something!"

"Ok ok I got it."

_Leaf Village Park_

Kakashi is reading his book while waiting for his ninja hounds to report when he is joined by Jiraiya.

"Kakashi! Just the man I wanted to see. I'm throw'n this wicked party."

"A party?"

"That's right. But this is no ordinary party; this party will have nothing but the prettiest ladies in all the Leaf Village! And it would be a pleasure, no make that an honor if you could help me with my research. Ya dig!"

"Sorry I ca…"

"I'll give you an autographed copy of my latest book for free."

"…..Where's this party?"

_Sakura's house_

"Come on Sakura, you seriously can't believe that you're cursed."

"It's true I tell you!" Sakura cries "Leaving this house will only cause pain and suffering, and a trip to the hospital."

"Look Sakura. You're not cursed. Tell you what I'll do. I'll prove to you that you are not cursed."

_Training ground 3_

"Shikamaru. When I said we should do something I didn't mean this."

"What did you expect me to do. There's no way we could possibly take these snakes in combat, and I have no intention of ending up like everybody else that was involved in these stupid challenges."

"So this is you're solution"

"Yeah"

"This is gay Shikamaru." Choji mumbles as he looks at one of the snakes "Do you have a 9."

The snake hisses "Goldfish"

"You could have at least picked a better game"

"I would have but apparently they don't know how to play anything but Goldfish"

_Somewhere else in the Leaf Village_

Guy continues to ask for the whereabouts of Tenten. When he is approached by an old woman.

"Excuse me young man" She said "I think I've seen this girl you are looking for, Tenten was it?"

Guy couldn't be happier "Really where is she!? Where did you see her last?!"

"Hold on a minute sonny! I'll tell you where she is but this information isn't free"

"Why you! Fine how much."

"Well…. Lets see……"

_Sakura's House_

Ino leaves the house dressed as Sakura. And is now walking through the village.

"I can't believe Sakura thinks she's cursed" Ino snickered. "I mean there's no way that stuff is real! Ino then burst into uncontrollable laughter. "What an Idiot!"

_Jiraiya's party_

Jiraiya and Kakashi are to drunk to stand but continue dancing.

"Yo! Kokakshe, Iz dis da besss partee ore wat?"

"I count onderstood a w…worrd ya saiyan. Speck up pleeze."

"I sad, Yo Kakoshe Itz a…" Jiraiya passes out.

"Whaz dis, someonez talkon to mee. Heyy you withh da blu skirt ges wat! I'm yo Fatha.

Meanwhile Shikamaru and Choji are walking back from Training Ground 3.

"That was totally unexpected" Sighed Choji

"I know. Losing to a bunch of snakes in Goldfish."

"We lost Tenten to."

"Yeah. What a drag."

Meanwhile Guy is still with the old lady.

"Can you please hurry up! I'll pay you anything!" Guy yelled.

"I know I know. But I'm not interested in money…..lets see."

"How about you just tell me where she is and after I find her I'll come back. By then you would have decided on what you want."

"I may be old but I'm not gullible. You go off and forget about me that's for sure."

"Hurry up then!!"

"Alright! You don't have to get so mad. I've decided. I'll tell you what you want to know if you…..Kiss me. And it better be a passionate one to!"

"Anything but that!...Ok not anything. But almost anything but that!"

"Sorry sonny, I'm not changin my mind."

"Why me." Guy thought to himself "If I don't do this Kakashi will win. I can't lose, I won't lose. Not to him. Ok I'll do it."

"Excellent sonny. Just hold one a minute while I put on my lipstick and take my dentures out."

"Is that really necessary?" Guy whimpered as he shed tears.

_Sakura's House_

Ino has just returned after walking all over the village in an attempt to prove Sakura's curse theory wrong.

"See Sakura. I walked the entire village and nothing happened." Ino boosted.

"You sure?" Asked Sakura

"Yep, no scratches, cuts, bruises, or broken noses."

"I guess the curse thing was a little extreme…..Thanks Ino."

"Don't mention it. They rebuilt the Raman Stand, wanna go?"

"Sure. Let's go."

Sakura and Ino head towards the door only to have the house collapse on them. All bones where broken.

_Training Ground 3_

Guy has arrived after getting Tenten's location from the old woman only to find her remains...Yes, they ate her.

"Thank you god." Guy cried. "You gave me the strength to do things I never knew I was capable of. To survive such an ordeal is truly a miracle. Though at the same time it felt like I was being tested. A test that was the epitome of cruelty. I am forever scarred, violated, and disgusted. I could even taste the tapioca pudding. Her hairy moles continued stroking my face with sickening evil. I wanted to die. Then I realized….dying meant I'd lost to that freak Kakashi. I could never die in peace knowing he was superior so I endured. It was truly the most frightening experience of my life. The suction, the saliva, and the wrinkles….so saggy. But my suffering was not in vain, and for that I am truly grateful."

Guy continues to cry as the sun sets bringing nightfall.

Meanwhile

Kakashi and Jiraiya wake up only to find themselves in a disturbing situation.

As luck would have it all the woman Jiriya invited to the party were thieves.

After passing out the two where robbed, stripped, bound with Duct Tape and left with only their head bands.

Guy wins this round.

Cow ninja

Your reviews and comments are greatly appreciated.


	4. Run

Ridiculous Challenge: Guy Sensei VS Kakashi Sensei

**RUN**

_Training Ground 3_

Guy is making an important announcement to Kakashi as well as the genin present before a challenge is chosen. Present are Sasuke, wheelchair bound Lee, Shikamaru, and Choji.

"I'm sure all of you are aware that yesterday one of our own met her end. So I vigorously searched for a replacement. And then it came to me, no matter how hard I searched it would be impossible to replace her. There was only one thing to do! Lee! Behold your new team member Tenten 2.0!"

Guy reveals the new member; an android that looks like Tenten. Sorta.

"This is Tenten 2.0. An exact replica of the Tenten we once knew. Took me all night to finish her, with the eyes and the cheeks and the moles."

"But guy sensei." Said Lee "Tenten didn't have moles"

"Not on her face Lee…….not on her face. Anyway this version of our former comrade can do anything the original could do, and even more. Her fighting, cleaning and cooking skills are perfection. She even has catch phrases. Watch."

Guy now activates the android. It doesn't take everyone present long to notice that Guy recorded his own voice into Tenten 2.0, and that she can only say 3 things: Go team Guy, Guy Sensei is so handsome, and Hold me Guy sensei.

"So what do you think?"

"Guy sensei…..that looks nothing like Tenten. Tenten's hair wasn't that long and Tenten never wore lip gloss."

"Lee. This is what Tenten should have looked like, and yes Tenten wore lip gloss. Just not on missions. I think her favorite was Poppy Pink."

"No way!" Kakashi interrupted. "Sakura wears that to!"

Awkward silence follows, which is eventually broken by the arrival of Naruto.

"Sorry I'm late." Says Naruto as he flips his new hair in slowmo for everyone to notice. All are in shock and amazement. Sasuke gets up and leaves with a disturbed look on his face.

N..n..na…..Naruto? Kakashi stuttered.

"How do you like my new look Kakashi sensei?"

"It's so….shiny?"

"Mind if I touch it?" Asks Guy.

Kakashi and Guy stroke Naruto's hair, amazed at the new quality of it. Shikamaru, Choji and Lee continue to sit with their mouths open.

"That's enough." says Guy. "As much as I'd like to run my fingers through Naruto's shiny, soft, sweet smelling hair all day. I have a challenge to win. Any ideas?"

Lee raises his hand.

"Guy Sensei. How about a race from the Leaf Village to the Sand Village and back again."

"That's an Excellent idea Lee! How's that Kakashi? You up for it?"

"Count me in."

CHALLENGE #4: LONG DISTANCE RACE

Ready Set Go!! Kakashi and Guy take off leaving thick clouds of dust, and then eventually disappear from sight.

"Wake me up when they get back." said Shikamaru.

2 hours later

"Man….this is taking to long." sighed Choji.

Naruto agreed, but before he could say anything Konohamaru appears.

"Hey Narut…." Konohamaru is dazed by Naruto's hair. "Naruto your hair……wow."

Naruto again flips his hair. "So Konohamaru. How do you like my new hair?"

"…….Honestly……you look like a girl."

"Hmph. Your just jealous."

"Whatever…if you want guys lookin at you like that so be it."

"Maybe I d….I mean……..What do you want Konohamaru?"

"Well, I was gonna ask you to help me buy some ninja gear. If you don't mind."

"Sure. I'm bored anyway."

"Cool. Let's go."

"Wait a minute Konohamaru…….Hey Choji, Lee. I'm going out for a bit but I'll be back ok."

"That's fine." Answered Choji. "I was just about to go visit Ino and Sakura at the hospital myself. If that's ok with Lee."

Lee nods. "It is fine. I'll wait for Guy sensei, you two can go ahead."

"Thanks Lee."

The three begin to leave when Konohamaru notices Tenten 2.0.

"Hey Naruto. Who's the pretty girl."

"Huh… Oh Tenten! I didn't see you there." Naruto exclaimed, unaware that she was an android. "Wow…you look different with your hair out."

"Why don't you come with us?" Asks Konohamaru.

The Android responds "Go Team Guy!!" In Guy's voice of course.

Naruto and Konohamaru look at each other, puzzled.

_Leaf Village Hospital: Sakura and Ino's room._

Choji sits quietly while staring at Sakura and Ino's body casts when someone knocks at the door. Choji answers to find a tall man.

"Hi, did you order a pepperoni pizza with liver and beans?"

"Yep."

"That'll be $23.95."

_Leaf Village Shopping Plaza_

Naruto, Konohamaru and Tenten 2.0 roam the stores.

"Say, Naruto."

"Yeah, Konohamaru."

"I know you got a hair transplant but I was just wonderin…..who exactly did you get that hair from?"

"Oh, that. Well I was on my way from the Sand Village when I saw this weird guy giving children toy animals. They looked pretty good so I decided to check em out. He was nice, we talked for like an hour. He even gave me one. Anyway, his hair color was pretty close to mine so I explained my situation and he gladly gave me some of his hair."

"Wow. Did you get his name?"

_Somewhere near the Sand Village_

"Sorry guys, I lost track of time but I'm here."

"Late again? What's your excuse this time?"

"I was just out for a little fresh air. It's not like I was playing with some children or skipping through a field of flowers if that's what you're thinking. Cause I wasn't."

"And out of curiosity, what's up with your hair?"

"Not that it's any of your business but, some kid needed hair for a hair transplant. I felt touched so I gave him some of mine. He was interesting to say the least……Naruto Uzumaki."

"Naruto Uzumaki?"

"Yeh, Naruto Uzumaki."

"Deidara……you fruity retard! He's the Nine Tailed Fox!"

"Tarter sauce. Wow…..um……your not gonna kill me for this…are ya?"

_Leaf Village Shopping Plaza_

Naruto, Konohamaru and Tenten 2.0 have just finished shopping and run into Choji.

"Choji? I thought you went to the Hospital to see Sakura and Ino."

"Naruto?..."

"What's wrong Choji, did something happen?"

Choji breaks down with trembling.

"It was an accident!...I didn't mean…….Inos gonna kill me."

"Wait, calm down. What do you mean, whys Ino gonna kill you?!"

"………….."

"Spit it out already!! Get a hold of yourself man!!" Shouts Konohamaru.

"Choji quiets down enough to tell them what happened.

_Leaf Village Hospital 30 minutes earlier_

After eating his pepperoni pizza with liver and beans Choji is feeling…..Toxic.

"Aw man. Shouldn't have ate beans……..can't hold…….Uh Oh."

Choji then rips out an unbelievably silent but nuclear fart. Sakura and Ino are unable to do anything but retch in their casts. Even Choji is subdued by his own stench. So much so that he throws up…….on Ino. Ino moans in agony as the substance seeps through the cast caressing her face, hair and body. Choji panics. Using napkins he tries to wipe his liquefied meal off Ino's face, but only makes it worse by unintentionally pushing the vomit further into the cast. Ino tried her best to breathe slowly and keep her mouth shut lest she inhale or swallow: Pizza and Liver and Beans….. Oh my! She failed. Terrified Choji makes a run for the door accidentally pushing Sakura off her bed before exiting. Sakura hits the floor, after which her body makes a sound somewhat resembling glass shattering on the floor.

_Leaf Village Shopping Plaza_

"I'm sure Ino and Sakura will forgive you………..Eventually." Says Naruto.

"You really think so?"

"When Lee uses Genjutsu." Thinks Naruto.

"Don't worry about it." Said Konohamaru "Why don't you come to the Ramen Bar with us? It'll help get your mind off of…….ya know. My treat."

"Thanks Konohamaru"

"No sweat. C'mon guys, to the Ramen Bar!"

The 4 begin to make their way to the ramen bar, until about halfway in Choji notices Tenten 2.0.

"Hey Naruto, why is Tenten 2.0 here."

"Tenten 2.0?"

"Uh huh. The android that's replacing Tenten."

"Huh…..an android?"

"Yep."

"No way!" said Konohamaru. "She looked pretty human to me."

Naruto and Choji shake their heads in agreement. Choji then explains what went on in Naruto's absence earlier that morning.

"Wow, she can do all that."

"That's what he said."

"And Sakura wears lip gloss?"

"Yep"

Naruto smirks evilly. "I say we test Tenten 2.0's fighting skills."

"Are you crazy?! Questioned Konohamaru. "What if something happens?"

"Like What?"

"Well……anything really. It could blow up or break or……Ahhhh! Choji what are you doing!!"

"I was just gonna throw some shuriken at it, why?"

"What if the shuriken does something to it?!"

"Only one way to find out." says Naruto readying his shuriken.

"Naurto don't!"

Naruto throws the shuriken anyway despite Konohamaru's warnings. The shuriken strikes Tenten 2.0 but bounces off.

"Thank god." sighed Konohamaru "……..Wait! Are you out of your freakin minds?! Stop!"

Choji and Naruto ignore Konohamaru and continually throw shuriken and kunai at Tenten 2.0.

77 shuriken, 13 kunai, and 4 paper bombs later.

"This isn't working."

"And it's not even fighting back." Added Choji.

"I know."

"Maybe there's like a password or somthin."

"Good idea Choji!"

"Stop. Please stop Naruto. I got a bad feeling about this." Konohamaru begs only to be ignored.

"Hey Naruto, how about this?...Leaf Hurricane!" Says Choji, imitating Guy.

All can't help but laugh. Even Konohamaru

"What about…….Take em off Lee!"

"I got it I got it……...I'm better than Kakashi!"

"Or…….let the power of youth explode!"

Bingo! The three's fun is interrupted as Tenten 2.0 turns to battle mode. Her arms turn into machine guns, her mouth became a bazooka, her head opened up to reveal a needle gun, her eyes glowed red ready to fire its laser beams, her thighs revealed homing missiles, and lastly ending with jet wings extending from her back enabling her to fly.

After about 10 seconds of starring the android fires a bazooka.

Meanwhile

Jiraiya is on a roof continuing his research when he notices a mushroom cloud in the distance.

"Hmm…Intriguing."

Back to Naruto, Konohamaru and Choji.

All three avoided injury but tremble at the destruction caused by just one shot. 89 trees, 34 squirrels, 19 birds and 1 Akamaru……..dead. Guy obviously over did it…..a lot.

And so the slaughter begins.

_Hokage's Office 2 hours later_

Tsunade is fast asleep after a hard days work but is interrupted…..

"Lady Tsunade! Lady Tsunade!" Called Shizune.

"……..What do you want?" Muttered an irritated Tsunade.

"The Village!"

"What about it?"

Shizune opens the window curtains revealing what could only be described as the Leaf Village's Armageddon. Tsunade and Shizune look in horror as the village burns before their eyes. People running through the streets in utter confusion, Jiraiya chasing women ablaze while yelling "Stop, drop, and roll ladies!", children jumping off of roofs for no reason, Orochimaru laughing hysterically, Anko begging Orochimaru to take her back, Kabuto blindly trying to find his glasses, Kiba doing some clan ritual to bring Akamaru back, Asuma and Kurenai kissing each other like this is the end, Gaara calling his mother and if you squint hard enough in the distance you can see Naruto, Konohamaru and Choji dodging bullets and needles with Tenten 2.0 in pursuit.

Training Ground 3

Lee and Shikamaru awake just in time to see Kakashi return, with no sign of Guy.

37 Miles from the Sand Village

Guy has resorted to crawling and apparently is having trouble breathing.

"Darn…..you…..Kakashi………..freakin scorpion…with its freakin……. poison.

Kakashi wins this round.

Guy: 2 Kakashi: 2

Cow ninja

Your reviews and comments are appreciated. Please review. Please.


	5. Art

Ridiculous Challenge: Guy Sensei VS Kakashi Sensei

**ART**

_Training Ground 3_

Guy is making another important announcement to Kakashi as well as the genin present before the next challenge. Present are Naruto, Konohamaru, Neji, Lee, Shikamaru, and Choji.

"All of you should be aware that yesterday our village was destroyed. Anyway, we lost a lot of ninja and because of that it would take us years to rebuild the Village and get back to full strength. So…..our Hokage in all her wisdom decided to make the Sand Village rebuild it instead."

_Leaf Village Construction Site_

"Who are you? What is your purpose? Why do you exist?! I will destroy you for the sake of my own being! Sand Cof…."

"Sir, why are your talking to a hammer?"

"Don't get in my way…..Sand Coffin!"

"No please…I…."

Splatter

_Training Ground 3_

Guy continues. "Also, the Hokage is giving everybody in the Leaf village vacation until further notice."

"That's just lazy." Said Shikamaru.

"And one more thing. I was able to get another replacement for Tenten. Neji! Lee! Behold your new team member…"

"Wait, where's Tenten?" Asked Neji

"Oh yeah, you were in the hospital for the past few days. Well, I guess there's no beating around the bush. She's dead."

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"She's dead."

"What do you mean?"

"She's dead."

"Define dead."

"No longer with us, deceased, non- existent."

"I don't understand."

"She's gone Neji, just leave it at that. Anyway, as I was saying behold your new team member…Ayame!"

"Hi everybody!" She greeted.

"Wait…..aren't you suppose to be at the Ramen Bar!" Naruto pointed out.

"Well, my dad wanted to make full use of the vacation that the Hokage was giving us so we found someone to take over the Ramen Bar temporarily. And after what happened last time I thought it would be a good idea to get at least some ninja training."

Ayame is referring to the events in chapter 1.

"So, who did you get to watch the Ramen Bar?" asked Konohamaru.

"Relatives."

"Ok people!" Shouted Guy "Enough chit chat, any ideas for the next challenge, anyone…..Aha Konohamaru."

"How about an art challenge?"

CHALLENGE #5: ART CONTEST

"Alright Guy, we have 3 hours to whip up an art piece. A painting, a sculpture, a statue or whatever." Said Kakashi. "Get the picture?"

"Was that an attempt at some kinda joke?"

"………Anyway I'm off. See you in three hours."

"Well I guess I'm off to. Lee you come with me. Oh yeah, and while were gone could you guys teach Ayame some ninja stuff. Thanks bye."

Before anyone can object both Guy and Lee disappear.

"This isn't good." Said Konohamaru. "……….Shikamaru what are you doing?"

"I'm going to bed what else."

"Shikamaru I'm begging you, please don't leave us alone. Please."

"Look, just show her how to throw some kunai or shuriken. It shouldn't be that hard."

"You don't understand. Bad things will happen if you leave us alone."

"Actually Shikamaru." Choji interrupted. "I think Konohamaru has a point."

"Fine." Shikamaru muttered. "Just let me take an hour nap. I'm sure you guys can manage that long without me. By the way, where's Neji?"

_Neji's Room_

"An't no sunshine when she's gone."

"An't no sunshine when she's away."

_Leaf Village Beach_

"That's it Lee! Move those hips, thrust that pelvis!

"Yes sir!"

"Hahahaha…..With this painting there's no way I can lose to that moron Kakashi!"

"How's this Guy sensei?"

"Perfect Lee! I couldn't have asked for a better model."

"Thank you Guy Sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Guy Sensei!"

"Lee!"

"Guy Sensei!"

"Lee!………..hold that pose."

_Somewhere else_

Kakashi works on his "masterpiece."

"Id like to see Guy beat this."

_Training Ground 3: 1 Hour later_

Shikamaru wakes up to find a pile of dead animals and Naruto on the ground with multiple Shuriken and kunai embedded in his back, legs, arms and butt. Konohamaru and Choji are hiding behind a tree.

"What happened here?" wondered Shikamaru.

"S..sh…shikamaru." stuttered Choji. "R..r..rr..run……Away."

"Huh?"

"Run away."

Suddenly, out of nowhere shuriken blurred past Shikamaru almost striking him.

"What the!"

Shikamaru looks around only to see Ayame practicing her aim, with shuriken and kunai of course. Ayame then turns around.

For clarity Shikamaru is behind Ayame. Ayame is aiming for the target post in front of her but somehow manages to skewer Naruto, who was also standing behind her as well as Choji and Konohamaru.

"Oh, Hi Shikamaru, when did you get here? Where's Choji and Konohamaru? Oh my God, what happened to Naruto?!"

Ayame rushes over to Naruto.

"Naruto! Naruto!...good he's breathing……….Where are you going Shikamaru?"

"Uhhh…..who me? I….i…was……Screw it, I'm outta here."

"Oh no you don't!" Shouted Choji and Konohamaru as they restrained Shikamaru.

"Wait! I have to get Naruto to the hospital!"

"Liar!"

"Choji…..look turkey!"

"Forget it, I'm not falling for that again."

"No really, a turkey!"

"I told you, I'm not gonna fall for that! There is no turkey."

"Actually." Said Ayame "There is a turkey behind you."

"Really." Said Choji.

"Yep."

"Seriously?"

"Uh huh."

Choji slowly turns his head to find an actual wild turkey. Following a moment of silence and disbelief Choji yanks a Kunai from Naruto's back. Naruto lets out a small moan but is quickly stepped on by Choji as he begins his turkey hunt.

"Choji!" Yells Konohamaru "You can't just leave me here!"

Choji and the turkey disappear from sight.

"You can let me go now Konohamaru." Said Shikamaru.

"So you can run off?!"

"Yes."

"No way!"

Konohamaru and Shikamaru begin to wrestle. No homo. I mean like using head locks, choke holds and body slams etc.

"Let go Konohamaru!"

"Never."

"Look, let's just think about this for minute."

"No."

"Hear me out will ya. Based on all the crap that has happened in these challenges its almost guaranteed that more crap is gonna happen if we stick around. I mean, look at what she did to Naruto! And from the amount of kunai and shuriken all over the place she probably hit somebody else to!"

_Hokage's Office_

The room is filled with at least 20 Anbu Black Ops. Tsunade is pissed and visibly disgusted.

"What do you have to say for yourself?!"

"Tsuna…"

"That's Lady Tsunade to you!"

"……."

"I never thought you of all people would be capable of cold blooded murder."

"I didn't do it I swear!"

"Is that so?…..Well, perhaps you can explain to me why 6 people say you did?"

"They….see….i……ah….."

"They what?! Their lying!"

"……..yes."

"Take him away!"

"Tsunade please! Let me explain. Please!"

"……Ok, fine. You have 5 minutes, but that's all Jiriaya!"

"Ok, here's what happened."

_Training Ground 2: 20 minutes earlier_

"Gather around ladies! Daddy Jiriayas gonna teach you some ninja techniques."

"Wow, really?"

"That's right cutie pie."

"You're so cool master Jiriaya."

"I know! Hahahahahahah. Ok ladies, pay attention. Lesson 1: Shuriken and Kunai."

Jiriaya now pulls out a pair of the two weapons.

"The Shuriken and Kunai are both basic but effective ninja weapons."

"Wow, so sharp."

"Ah, don't you worry. Old Jiriayas not gonna let anything happen to you. I am one of the legendary Sanin after all! Hahahahaha. Ok ladies, now allow me to demonstrate how to throw a Shuriken with aim and precision. Watch carefully ladies."

"Ok."

"First you need a target…….I'll use that deer over there……Next you get you're shuriken in position…….Take aim……..then throw………….Bulls eye, right in the head! See that ladies! She didn't even see it comin! Oh yeah! Ladies?..."

_Hokage's Office_

"That's when I turned around and then they were all like "Oh my god you killed her!"

"Sounds like you killed her to me."

"I swear, my shuriken hit the dear."

"Then why wasn't there a deer in the Anbu report?"

"You're not gonna believe this but…...the deer lived…..then walked away."

"………."

"Im telling ya, Orochimaru must have set me up! He's probably still mad about the time I accidentally killed that stupid dog he had."

"You lying piece of crap!" Yelled Orochimaru as he tore off the face of the Anbu he was disguised as.

Everyone gasps.

"How dare you accuse me of murder and bring up that hideous dog!" He continued.

"Orochinaru!" Yelled Tsunade "You had a dog?!"

Everyone gasps.

"I'll send you a postcard with the details, but back to business! I had nothing to do with the murder of one of this fools lackeys.!"

"I find that hard to believe!" Said Jiriaya "Admit it, you killed the girl cause of that stupid…"

"Jiriaya I swear..you mention Pupu again and I will kill you in the most painful way possible. And then I'll bury you in an all men cemetery."

"You fiend!"

"Orochimaru!" Yelled Tsunade "You're dogs name was Pupu?!"

Everyone gasps.

"I said I'll send you a freakin post card, Shut up! I did not kill your retarded Lackey!"

"Is that so?"

"Jiriaya, if I really did in fact kill this woman, why would I deny it? I'm a killer not a liar."

"He makes a good point." Said Tsunade "I can't recall a single time Orochimaru has lied. As for you Jiriaya, its quite the opposite."

"So! I'm a liar not a killer!" Jiriaya shot back.

"My head hurts." Sighed Tsunade "Look, for now I'm placing you both under arrest until we get this cleared up. Get out."

_Training Ground 3_

"Join me Konohamaru." Urged Shikamaru "Together we can escape, unharmed and alive."

"……….."

"Dude. If you want to sit here and be a target go ahead, but leave me out of it."

"Fine!" said Konohamaru "I'll go with you, but what should we do about Ayame?"

"Nothing. She'll be here a while trying to revive Naruto, so I say now is the best time to escape."

Konohamaru and Shikamaru begin their escape.

_Somewhere in the Leaf Village_

"So Kakashi. Finish your so called art?"

"You'll see. Id be more worried about myself if I were you."

"Well then, shall we get on with it?"

"Yes. Lets do this."

Guy and Kakashi then pick out a random person to be the judge.

"Aright Kakashi! I'll go first….Behold my masterpiece "Youth Of The Sea!"

Guy reveals his portrait of Lee in a Speedo playing with sea creatures.

Judges Comment: "That is the gayest thing I have ever seen."

"Actually Guy." Said Kakashi "That's better than I thought it would be, but it's time for a real masterpiece. Fest your eyes on this "Sharingon Waterfalls!"

Kakashi reveals a 18 foot cooper statue of himself.

"And exactly why is it called Sharingon Waterfalls?" Asked Guy.

Kakashi smiles and then presses a button causing water to shoot from the Sharingon of the statue. Kinda like a giant water fountain.

Judges comment: Disturbing, but not gay.

Kakashi wins this round.

Cow ninja

Your reviews and comments are greatly appreciated. Thank you.


	6. Pupu

Ok Guys, I just what to take some time out to explain the purpose of this chapter. Unlike previous chapters there will be no challenges. This chapter is noting but a filler with the purpose of enlightening you (The reader) as to how Orochimaru ended up with a dog named Pupu (mentioned in the last chapter) and how Jiriaya killed it (also mentioned in the last chapter) It's a little different than what I usually write but please give it a chance. Thank you, cause without readers a story is just there.

Ridiculous Challenge: Guy Sensei VS Kakashi Sensei _Orochimaru Special_

**PUPU**

Our story begins on a quiet day in the Leaf Village.

"What up Sarutobi Sensei?"

"Oh, Jiriaya its you."

"What's in the box?"

"Ah, nothing."

"Liar."

"Really, its nothing, um……why don't you go ah….train with Tsunade, I'm sure you can help each other with……the…..Ah! The Shadow clone jutsu! Why don't you teach Tsunade the Shadow clone jutsu!"

"Cant."

"Huh?"

"Tsunades on vacation with her family……..and she got a restraining order against me."

"………"

"Cant be within 200 ft."

"…….."

"So….whats in the box?"

"…….."

"Come on! Tell me!"

"No."

"Please."

"No."

"Please."

"If I tell you will you leave me alone?"

"Depends."

"…….I swear Jiriaya. Sometimes I hate you."

"You kidder." Laughed Jiriaya.

"I'm not kidding."

"Lair."

Before the future Hokage could strangle his student a ninja appeared.

"Forgive me for the intrusion, but lord Hokage has requested your presence for an important meeting."

"Crap." Sighed Sarutobi.

"The meeting starts in 5 minutes so you better get going."

With that the ninja departed.

"………"

"So." Continued Jiriaya "Whats in the box?"

"…………….Jiriaya….I'll probably regret this, but could you do me a…….favor?"

"Depends."

"Just shut up and listen toad boy!"

"……."

"I need you to deliver this to Orochimaru, its very important."

"Fine sensei. But could you at least tell me what it is first?"

"……..Its a dog."

"Your giving Orochimaru a dog?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Listen Jiriaya! Orochimaru is losing himself in darkness, and eventually he will be consumed by it. That is why I brought this dog to give to him…as a companion and a friend. I just felt that if Orochimaru had someone to protect maybe he'd find the true meaning of being Hokage……..the true meaning of being a leaf village shinobi."

"…….."

"Please, Jiriaya. Take this to Orochimaru in my place."

"Yes Sensei."

"Thank you. Give Orochimaru my apologizes for not handing him his gift personally."

"Will do."

Sarutobi bids Jiriaya goodbye and heads to the Hokages Office.

_Orochimaru's House_

"This place gives me the creeps." Shivered Jiriaya as he rang the door bell.

"What do you want." Said a voice from behind.

Jiriaya turns around to find Orochimaru…….holding a sword……with blood and some other liquid on it.

"What are you doing?" Asked Jiriaya suspiciously.

Orochimaru quickly realizes what is in his possession.

"Ah………….Hey, Jiriaya did you see the Miss Leaf village Pageant yesterday!"

"Oh yeah!" said Jiriaya "Those where some beautiful ladies. Miss Uchiha Clan was especially pretty."

"Yeah……." Orochimaru chuckled nervously.

"Anyway. Sarutobi Sensei wanted me to deliver this to you."

"What is it?"

Jiriaya opens the box revealing a cute puppy. Orochimaru becomes visibly twitchy.

"What's wrong Orochimaru?"

"I don't………understand……am I supposed to eat it or practice deadly jutsu on it?"

"………."

"Target practice?"

"……No. Actually Sarutobi sensei wants you to love and protect it and all that other mushy crap."

"So…..your telling me Sarutobi Sensei sent you, to give me this…….What is it again?"

"A dog."

"Yes, this….dog, for me to….what was it? L….o…ve and……"

"Protect."

"Yes, protact…..i mean protect……Why?"

"He said somethin bout being consumed by darkness."

"What?! Does Sarutobi sensei know…?!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Crap……Ah….Hey, Jiriaya did you hear about the ah…….Tsu….that's right, Tsunade lifted that retraining order and ah…..she said to tell you to…….meet her at…he….r house?"

"Really! What time!?"

"………now?"

"Ha! I knew she couldn't resist my manly charms!"

"………"

"Well, see ya."

Jiriaya runs off to meet Tsunade, leaving the box containing the puppy. Orochimaru stares at it, trying not to twitch or vomit.

"So….I. Guess I should be ah, going now. I have to cook dinner and ah…..take my medicine…..I…it was nice meeting you and….."

45 minutes later.

Orochimaru is still staring at the puppy, trying to decide weather to kill it or something else.

"Darn you! Every time I decide to kill you I can't! Why?! Why can't I kill you?!"

Orochimaru drops to his knees and begins to scream out like a crazed man. Lying on the ground in seeming agony he tightened his fist, tighter, and tighter until his hands bled. Finally, after calming down a bit he reached for his sword.

"I will kill you!! Aaaaaaah!"

Meanwhile…

_Tsunade's House_

(Ding Dong)

"I'll get it mom!"

Tsunade opens the door to find Jiriaya……Dressed in a white tux he rented, wearing his sensei's cologne, holding a bouquet of half dead roses, and reciting weird poetry about love and death…..type stuff.

"………"

"My dear Tsunade, it seems a….."

"Hold on a minute, I'll be right back." Interrupts Tsunade as she closes the door.

"Take your time princess."

One minute later

Tsunade comes back to the door and without any hesitation or warning hoses that man with mace.

"Oh god my eyes!" Yelled Jiriaya.

"Pervert!"

Tsunade then slams the door, leaving Jiriaya blind and unable to walk straight. Then suddenly…..

"Jiriaya, is it? We have a warrant for your arrest."

_Orochimaru's House_

"W….why? Am I really th…that weak? So weak that I cant even kill a stupid dog?!

Curse you Sarutobi sensei! Curse you!!"

Again falling to his knees Orochimaru sheds tears of sadness and confusion.

"What does it mean? To love. To protect. Why, why do I have to give a crap about something so….useless?!"

_Flashback_

"Sarutobi Sensei….you wanted to see me?"

"Yes. Please sit down Orochimaru."

"What is it sensei?"

"…..Orochimaru. What is it you want to achieve in life? What are your goals?"

"I…I want to become the strongest ninja in the whole village….no…the whole world!"

"That's some goal. And how do you plan to reach that goal?"

"I'll learn every Jutsu! Every jutsu ever made!"

"………"

"Then I'll become Hokage!"

"Do you know what it means to be Hokage, Orochimaru?"

"Huh?"

"Being Hokage is an honor, a promise to the whole village, to each person in it that you will protect and cherish them…with your life. Here in the Leaf Village we support and take care of each other…..Like one big family. It's the Hokage's job to make sure that family…..the bond and it's members stay in tact."

"………"

"You may not understand everything I just said. But eventually….the time will come when even you have to put you life on the line to protect something. And that's when you'll understand."

"Sarutobi Sensei?"

_Flashback end_

"Sarutobi Sensei? Is this what you really meant? That I can understand what it means to be Hokage by….protecting. Even something as small as this? What if I fail? What if I cant protect…all those who mean something to me?"

_Flashback_

"Being Hokage is an honor, a promise to the whole village, to each person in it that you will protect and cherish them…with your life."

_Flashback end_

"If that's what it takes to reach my dream. To become the strongest ninja. I will protect….everything….my friends, my comrades, the whole village and….even you. Sarutobi Sensei. Believe it!"

Then tragedy struck……hard as crap.

Jiriaya stumbles out of the forest still hindered by the mace. Orochimaru, still drenched in emotion could do nothing as Jiriaya stomped the helpless dog…then stumbled back stomping it again…then regaining his balance and again stomping the creature. But wait there's more! 20 Anbu Black Ops in pursuit of Jiriaya failed to notice the whimpering dog, and one by one like a human train trampled the helpless creature. Still not done! Jiriaya, still blind panics and makes one last ditch effort to escape.

"Ninja art! Summoning! Bring down the House Jutsu!

_Animal Hospital_

Orochimaru sits holding what is left of his dog, when a little boy notices him.

"Mommy, why is that boy holding pupu?"

Cow ninja

Your comments and reviews are as always…..greatly appreciated.


	7. Surgery!

Ridiculous Challenge: Guy Sensei VS Kakashi Sensei

**SURGERY!**

_Training Ground 3_

"Well, isn't this a surprise." Said Kakashi. "What brings the two of you here?"

"Well, since everybody's still on vacation we figured it'd be the perfect time to get some training done……wait, what's going on? Why is everybody here?"

"Well ya see, me and Guy have this rivalry going and we decided to ask our students for challenging tasks. Whoever has the most point's wins."

"Sounds fun, mind if we join?!"

"No, not at all."

"Yahooo!"

Kiba quickly finds a seat among the other genin present, with Hinata dragging behind. Today the roster consists of Naruto, Sasuke, Lee, Choji and Ayame.

Kiba looks around eagerly. "Hey! Aren't you guys missin people?"

"Come to think of it." Said Naruto "I haven't seen Konohamaru and Shikamaru in a while?"

_Somewhere in the woods_

In their attempt to escape Ayame in chapter 5 Shikamaru and Konohamaru got lost, fell off a cliff, washed up on shore, then fell into a 220 ft deep x 8 ft wide ditch which was home to a rare species of blood sucking letches. (With fangs) Luckily the two managed to stop themselves by pitting their hands and feet against the sides of the ditch. If any of you have ever tried this, you know how hard it is to keep that up. The pair are near their limits as they have been like this for 2 days straight.

"Shi…shikamaru?"

"What?"

"Do….you have a plan yet?"

"No! Stop asking."

"Were gonna die!"

"No we are not! Shut up!"

"Actually Shikamaru, I have to agree with Konohamaru."

"Don't agree wit……...Shino?! What are you doing here?!!!"

"If you must know, I was doing bug research when I saw you two being washed down river so I followed you. Then you fell in the ditch."

"So…...your here because?"

"Sorry about that. When you guys fell I was gonna check to see if you were ok and then go for help but then I realized what you discovered."

"Wha?"

"The Letches below us are an extremely rare type of parasite. Just one of those things is worth 200,000 dollars!"

"You jumped didn't you?"

"Impulse….Sorry."

_Training Ground 3_

"What about Ino, Sakura, Neji, and Tenten.? And who is that?" says Kiba, pointing to Ayame.

"Ok!" yells Guy "We've wasted enough time sitting around! On with the next challenge! Any ideas?"

"Hold it!" yelled Tsunade, appearing out of nowhere. "I'm afraid your little games will have to wait. I have an important assignment for all of you."

"No way! You gave everybody in the Leaf Village vacation, remember!"

"Yeah…well….I didn't mean to say everybody."

_Leaf Village Hospital_

"You're kidding right?"

"Wish I was Kakashi."

"Have you been drinking Sake?"

"No."

"Any liquor at all?"

"No!"

"…….Drugs?"

"Shut up! Your assignment is to run this hospital and treat its patients."

"Wow." Said Guy "This is the dumbest thing you've done since becoming Hokage."

"What was that?!"

"The weirdo's got a point." Agreed Naruto. "Maybe your age is finally catching up with you…….i mean dag woman."

Naruto is then punched through the nearest wall.

"Stupid brat!"

Kakashi raises his hand.

"What?!"

"Are you sure there's no one else that can do this."

"No. The whole medical staff left the Village."

"What about the Sand Village?"

"Their medical ninja suck! I'd rather have Naruto operate on me blindfolded!"

"……..You sure about that?"

"Just do the best you can."

Tsunade leaves…….feeling slightly guilty. Sorta.

"Alright." Sighed Kakashi. "First let's split into teams."

"Hey Kakashi." Whispered Guy, smirking evilly. "Let's make this part of the challenge."

"………No."

"Chicken are we?"

"…….."

"According to the chart, two patients are scheduled for major heart surgery, today."

"…….."

"Whaddaya say Kakashi? Whoever can perform the operation the fastest, without killing the patient…….wins. Ya dig?"

CHALLENGE #7: SURGERY!

"Alright guys. Me and Guy have some business to attend to so divide into teams and try not to….oh forget it. See ya."

"Hold on a minute!" Sasuke objected. "What if the patient needs surgery or somethin?"

"Then you do the surgery…..duh!" scoffed Guy.

The two sensei's leave.

"This is gonna suck." Said Kiba.

"Let's just get this over with. Well get into groups and then draw our assignments from a hat to be fair."

And so the teams were formed.

Team 1- Naruto and Hinata

Team 2- Kiba and Lee

Team 3- Ayame and Choji

Team 4- Sasuke (Sasuke refused to work with anyone. That gay reject)

And then the assignments were chosen. (Out of a hat)

Team 1- Surgery

Team 2- Medicine

Team 3- Emergency Response Team

Team 4- Bathing Patients (That's what he gets. Loser)

Meanwhile

"You ready Kakashi?"

"Always."

"On your mark."

"Get set."

"Go!!!"

Team 1 (About to perform a minor surgery)

"………"

"It's ok Naruto." Comforted Hinata. "You can do it, I know you can."

"……..Sc..scalpel please."

Hinata hands him the Scalpel.

"Mmm….making incision………….Drain please Hinata."

"………"

"Hinata?"

Naruto turns to find Hinata passed out on the floor. (Apparently she's squeamish) And then Naruto learned an important lesson: Never take your eye off a patient when using a scalpel; otherwise you'll cut something you're not supposed to.

"Oh God!! Drain, the drain! Where's the stupid drain! Here!"

And then Naruto learned another important lesson: If you can't tell the difference between the drain and the laser, you should label your instruments.

"Crappppp!!"

Team 2 (Issuing patients their medicine)

Kiba and Lee are in the Medicine department, where they find hundreds of shelves holding millions of pills.

"Ok. Patient 409 needs……..ah…….what is……how you pronounce that?"

"Let me see. Ah……never mind. This is gonna take to long."

"I got it! Kiba, we can use Akamaru!"

"Huh?"

"Instead of looking through all these pills we can have Akamaru find them for us."

"Oh! You mean have him smell the old medicine bottle and track down the pills that way?"

"Yes!"

"That's pretty smart Lee. Ok! Let's go Akamaru!"

Kiba reaches into his pocket and pulls out a hamster. Lee is confused. And in case you are to, Akamaru died in chapter 4.

"……..Wha…..what's with the hamster?" Asked Lee.

"Well, Akamaru died so I decided to try something new. Behold, the first ever ninja hamster!"

The Hamster licks itself, then farts, then gets high off his own essence.

"Cool huh?"

"…….."

"I couldn't come up with a good name so I call him Akamaru."

"……."

"What's with that face?!"

"…….."

"He's really strong, I swear."

"………"

"Fine, we'll show you our ultimate technique! Let's go Akamaru! Giant Hamster Jutsu!!"

Let's check on Kakashi and Guy for a minute.

Kakashi works quickly but carefully in operating on the patient.

"Almost there……that's it….yes. That Guy, never thinking things through. With my sharingon there's no way I can lose in a challenge like this. Oh, well."

Meanwhile

Guy concentrates, trying not to make any mistakes.

"That fool Kakashi thinks he's won. It may be true that with the sharingon in his possession I am at a huge disadvantage. However……I left a little surprise in your patient, my scare crow lookin buddy. There's no way you can win."

Guy begins to laugh. Almost as sinister as Orochimaru.

Team 3 (Sitting around waiting for an emergency)

The phone rings.

"Hello this is emergency response, how may I help you? Yes we'll be right down!...C'mon Choji!"

"Hey Ayame! Whats going on?"

"There was a stabbing at the Academy. We have to get there as soon as possible!"

Choji and Ayame make their way to the Academy, and find the injured boy bleeding profusely. Choji is out of breath. Ayame at once diagnoses the problem: The assault weapon (A kunai) has penetrated the lower abdomen. Bleeding must be stopped. (Obviously)

"Don't worry, everything will be all right……..Choji hand me the first aid kit!"

"Wh….what?" Choji gasps.

"The first aid kit, I have to stop the bleeding!"

"Nuts!"

"You forgot the first aid kit!!"

"My bad!"

"Hurry, go back and get it!"

"But."

"Go!"

Choji runs back to the hospital, but collapses from exhaustion and dehydration 4 feet from the entrance. The boy bled.

Team 4 (Bathing his first patient)

"Oh god!" screams Sasuke as he undresses the patient, then throws up at the sight of the wrinkly man in his naturalness.

"Are you ok ss….sonny?" Asked the man.

Sasuke throws up again.

"Darn, I wet myself again. Wait……………………Grab a couple wipes will ya sonny?"

Back to Guy and Kakashi

Guy comes out the operating room and finds Kakashi sitting and reading his book.

"What took you so long Guy?"

"It took me longer than expected but my patient is alive and well. What about yours……dead I presume."

"Nope. She's in recovery."

Guy is dumbfounded.

"Wha…...how?"

"Luck I guess."

"But……..she. What do you mean luck you guess?!"

"It was weird, but after the operation was completed I did some last minute checks and found an unknown substance in the patient's blood stream. I didn't what to take any chances so I drained it out of her."

"I see…….any idea what the stuff is?"

"I sent it to analysis. They should be back soon."

"Lucky bum."

"I'm sorry, did you say something?"

"………."

"Excuse me." Says a nurse. "I have the analysis you wanted. Apparently, the substance in the patients blood-stream was poison designed to kill muscles and vital organs. If you hadn't spotted it when you did she'd be dead by now."

"I guess I am lucky." Laughed Kakashi.

Suddenly, a giant hamster fell through the ceiling. The creature slammed onto Kakashi's patient, causing a nasty popping noise like bones in a popcorn machine. The floor crumbled under the beast's weight and it fell yet another floor down. Sasuke was totally caught off guard as the hamster came crashing down. Unable to move fast enough, Sasuke to was crushed.

13 floors later

Sasuke, trapped under the enlarged rodent tries desperately to free himself. Figuring he could lift the thing just enough so he could get out, Sasuke pushes his hand up….……..in the wrong place, if you know what I mean. The motion causes the hamster to well……relax his bowels, if you know what I mean. Mud slide!

Shikamaru, Konohamaru, and Shino couldn't hold out and fell to the bottom of the pit. They are currently fighting the letches to the death.

Guy wins this round.

Guy: 3 Kakashi: 3

Cow ninja

I'd hate to have to beg. So please! If you could spare 30 seconds, or less to post a review I'd greatly appreciate it. Thank you, good people.


	8. Women

Yo. A good friend of mine, aka Nosicko once said "All girls are evil." I wonder sometimes if that's really true, I mean one minute their all happy and the next totally psycho. When I first started writing this chapter I honestly had no clue what the heck I was doing. It just keep going and going like a, like a……retarded energizer bunny. Then, after I finished and began to proof read it, Nosicko's words just came to me like a, like a….vision or flashback or something. I'm not sure why but ah...just read.

Ridiculous Challenge: Guy Sensei VS Kakashi Sensei

**WOMEN**

_Training Ground 3_

"Alright people, any Ideas for the next challenge? Yes?"

Kiba chuckles.

"How about a challenge to see who can get a date first?"

CHALLENGE #8: DATE CHALLENGE

_Leaf Village Mall_

"Aw man!" Laughed Kiba "This is gonna be hilarious. 20 bucks says neither one gets a date."

"Knowing those two, that's about right." Naruto added.

"You are both wrong!" Raised Lee "Guy Sensei will surely get a date, I bet 50 bucks!"

"You're practically giving him money Lee. There is no way that loser can get a date."

"Shut up Sasuke! Guy Sensei is the best; he can get more dates than anybody!"

"You're both wrong." Interrupted Naruto. "The truth is…….I can get more dates than anybody."

"No frickin way!" Yelled Kiba. "I can get way more dates than you!"

"Prove it, hamster boy!"

"Fine I will!"

"Both of you are idiots. I'll prove you all wrong." Scuffed Sasuke

"I will join to." Said Lee.

Everyone stares at Lee with disappointment.

"Go home Lee."

"No! I will win."

"Loser."

"Take that back Sasuke!"

Meanwhile.

"You know you're gonna lose this right?"

"Keep talkin Kakashi. I'll wipe that smile right off your…….mask."

"O…k. Moving on. The first one of us to get a date from a girl at that table wins."

Kakashi points to a table full of women nearby.

"Fine with me. Hey Kakashi."

"What?"

"Your shoes untied."

"Oh, thanks."

Kakashi looks down only to realize he doesn't have shoe strings. He looks back up to find Guy already talking to the women.

"Good morning ladies."

The women look up, and are taken back by the strange man in green.

"My name is Might Guy, the Leaf village's handsome beast. Perhaps you have heard of me?"

"…….No."

"I….see….well, no matter. I was just wondering if one of you ladies woul…"

"Excuse me." Interrupted Kakashi. "I couldn't help but notice how lovely you ladies look today."

The women blush as Kakashi continues.

"I feel a little embarrassed doing this but, would one of you be interested in going to a movie with me?

The women begin to snicker and whisper to one another.

"Crap!" Thinks Guy. "At this rate he'll win the challenge in no time. I didn't want to have to resort to this but, you leave me no choice."

_Leaf Village Hospital: Room 187_

Note: Choji was admitted into the hospital for that dehydration in last chapter.

"Hey choji, I brought you some food."

"Thanks Ayame."

"You're welcome."

Ayame hands Choji his food, which he eagerly begins to devour.

"Aw man."

"What?"

"I forgot to bring you dessert."

"That's ok."

"No, I'll be right back."

Ayame heads out the door.

_Leaf Village Mall_

"Ladies, ladies." Said Guy "Surely none of you are that dispirit. I mean look at him, he wears a mask. One has to ask; what is he hiding? He could be a criminal! He sure looks like one, but that's just my opinion. I don't know about you but I wouldn't leave my children with him. Heck, I wouldn't even leave my goldfish with him, he might try somethin."

The women began to look at Kakashi with suspicion.

"Oh, so you wanna play dirty huh?!" Asked Kakashi.

"I'm just pointing out the obvious."

"I see. Well in that case you won't mind if I point out how obviously tight your pants are."

"You!"

"I'm just pointing out the obvious. Seriously though, what the crap? Now this is just my opinion but any so called man who wears spandex aint right, to watch children or be alone with a goldfish."

The women turn to Guy in disgust.

"Oh…..yeah!" Said Guy

_Somewhere in the woods_

Shikamaru, Konohamaru and Shino begin thier battle with the letches.

"Take this, Destruction bugs!"

Shino unleashes a mass cloud of his chakra eating insects on the letches.

"Give it up, there's no way you can def……frick!"

In a sad and painfully quick turn of events Shino's bugs where slurped up like ramen by the letches (with fangs).

"My bugs! Stop it! Spit em out, spit em out!"

Shikamaru and Konohamaru look on as Shino loses all sanity, and the letches finish chewing their free meal.

"That's it!" Yelled Konohamaru. "Shino move, I'll deal with this!"

"Oh god."

_Outside __Leaf Village Mall_

"Alright, which one of you losers is going first?" Asked Sasuke

"I will!" Said Lee.

Everyone stares at Lee.

"Stop staring at me! Pay attention, in less than 20 seconds I will return with a phone number…...of a girl."

20 seconds later

"Ha! In your face Sasuke!"

Lee waves a piece of paper with a phone number written on it.

"There's no way! You made that number up!" Pointed Sasuke

"No I did not!"

"Lair!"

"Guys please." Said Naruto "There is a perfectly logical explanation for this….miracle."

"And what is that?" Asked Kiba.

"God must have interfered."

"That…..actually that does make sense."

"You are both retarded!" Snapped Sasuke. "Lee, call the number!"

"Fine! If it'll make you shut up."

Lee dials the number.

(Ring)

"Hi, you have reached the rejection hotline…."

Meanwhile

Guy and Kakashi start to argue.

"Oh, yeah well……At least I don't sleep with a teddy bear!"

"Leave Berry out of this, you…..bed wetter!"

"I have a small bladder and I am not ashamed of it!"

"Look at you, you're not even Japanese!"

"Racist! Go home and read your perverted books!"

"They are not perverted, they are deep love novels! And your one to talk, painting pictures of minors in speedos! You sick sick man!"

"It wasn't even like that!"

"Save it!"

_Somewhere in the woods _

"Leave this to me."

"Konohamaru, I don't thin.."

"Shikamaru please! I have to concentrate!"

"We are so dead."

"Take this you stupid letches! Sexy Jutsu!"

Konhamaru transforms into a beautiful woman clad in white smoke. Beautiful indeed! Those lips, those eyes, that hair, her skin, that figure, perfectimo! AHEM! Konohamaru winks and begins blowing kisses at the letches while talking in a sweet soft voice.

"Just how the heck is that supposed to help us!" Yelled Shikamaru, blushing bright red.

The letches are dazed by Konohamaru's beauty, but also very confused. Eventually they overcome their infatuation and viciously attack her/him. Shikamaru and Shino watch as the scene unfolds like some cheap horror movie.

"Enough." Said Shikamaru. "It's my turn."

_Outside __Leaf village Mall _

Lee whimpers in a corner.

"I knew Lee couldn't get a date."

"God is so cruel." Added Naruto.

"Oh well, my turn." Said Kiba "Watch and learn."

Kiba approaches a girl and at once pulls out his trusty hamster.

"I'm really sorry about this miss, but my hamster seems to have taken a liking to you and well, I was just wondering if you could maybe play with him for a little bit while I run to the store, it'll only take a minute."

"Um, sure. I don't mind."

Naruto and Sasuke are unable to hear all of the conversation but are nonetheless hating Kiba right now.

"No fair, he's cheating! Sasuke do something!"

"Why don't you!?"

Kiba finishes his efforts to woo the girl.

"How about Ice cream, my treat."

"Sure, I'd love ice cream."

The couple walks away, hand in hand.

"I can't believe that cave man got a date!" Yelled Sasuke "frickin hamster!"

_Leaf Village Mall_

"Take this Kakashi!"

Guy holds up a cell phone. Kakashi laughs.

"What are you gonna do, call your mommy!?"

"For your information this is your cell phone."

"Huh?"

Guy plays Kakashi's ringtone.

"**I like big butts and I cannot lie  
**

**You other brothers can't deny  
**

**That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist  
**

**And a round thing in your face  
**

**You get sprung"**

_Somewhere in the woods_

"Shadow possession!"

Nothing happens.

"Shadow possession!!"

Everyone stops and looks at Shikamaru, even the letches.

"Wha…why can't I do shadow possession? There's no way, I didn't use any chakra."

"Your….ah, chakra isn't the problem." Shino said awkwardly.

"Then what?"

"Um…..you….your fingers."

Shikamaru looks down at his fingers, his twisted broken fingers. He must have broken them in an attempt to prevent himself from falling to the bottom of the massive ditch. It's a wonder he didn't feel anything. No hand sign, no jutsu.

"Ah...Let me give it another try." Said Shino, embarrassed by his comrade.

_Leaf Village Hospital: Room 187_

The door opens.

"Hey, Ayam…..crap."

Choji is now face to face with two pissed off kunochi. Ino sporting a trendy I.V and Sakura showing off her cast and neck brace combo, complete with wheel chair. Hospital fashion folks.

"Ino…ss….Sakura. Ah, how have ya…..ah been?

"……….."

Choji struggles to breathe, possibly having a panic attack. I mean, I would too after that incident in chapter 4. Let's recap that. Ok, Choji went to visit Sakura and Ino in the hospital, The two are helplessly in body casts, Choji rips a nuclear bomb (fart), smells himself, throws up in…. not on but in Ino's cast, Ino swallows, and then Choji pushes Sakura of her bed re-braking any bones that were supposed to be healing.

"Ya know, I owe both of you an apology. I sincerely hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."

"…….."

After about 2 minutes of silence Choji tries to lighten things up.

"Would you guys like some chips?"

"……..."

"Muffin?"

"Grrrrrr"

"Toa…"

Let's not discuss in detail what happens next, may god have mercy on his soul.

_Leaf Village Mall_

"What's your excuse for that, Kakashi?!"

"I..op…ah…I…have no idea how that got there, eh."

"Yeah right."

"Ahem! Enough about me Guy, what about you?!"

"What about me?"

Kakashi waves a cell phone.

"Let's see what tones you got."

"Kakashi tha.."

"No interrupting please."

"But.."

"Shut up."

Kakashi plays the tone.

"**Lovin' you is easy cause you're beautiful  
**

**Makin' love with you is all I wanna do  
**

**Lovin' you is more than just a dream come true  
**

**And everything that I do is out of lovin' you  
**

**La la la la la la la... do do do do do"**

"Wow. That's pretty bold Guy. Who exactly may I ask is this referring to? Lee?"

"That's not my phone."

"Lies will get you nowhere Guy."

"Kakashi, seriously that's not my phone."

"Seriously, stop lying."

"Dude, I'm not lying! Look at it!"

Upon closer inspection it's not Guy's phone after all.

"Darn, I thought I had you to. Whose phone is this anyway?"

_Outside Leaf Village Mall_

"Hey, Sasuke? Can I borrow your phone? I kinda lost mine."

"No. Hurry up loser, it's your turn."

"Fine."

Naruto approaches a girl nearby.

"Hi, my name is Nar…"

"I know who you are." Said the girl. Rather rudely I might add. "Naruto Uzumaki right?"

"Ah, I see you've heard of me."

"Yeah, who else wears bright orange clothes and looks like an idiot?"

The insulted Naruto is then plowed down by Sasuke.

"Out of the way loser! Hi, my name is Sas…"

"Sasuke Uchiha." The girl answered, again with the rude tone.

"Of course y…"

"You're the jerk who never once visited, wrote or called his own fan club! I was the vice president of your club for 2 years! 2 freakin years! You never once thanked us for all the presents we sent you! Not even a god darn card!"

"Look, i…"

"No, you look you selfish pig! You've caused us nothing but grief!"

"….."

"Kainashi Otome!"

"Who?"

"Kainashi Otome, the 23rd member of the club, the girl who spent 4 hours fixing you a gourmet dinner when you where in the hospital! Do you even remember what you said to her!?"

Note: Kainashi and Otome are Japenese words. Kainahi means useless while Otome means girl.

"…n…not really."

"I believe your exact words were: This food sucks, you suck and for goodness sake lose some weight! Ring a bell!"

"I don't recall…that."

"Unbelievable!"

"Yeah Sasuke." Says Naruto, lifting himself off the ground. "You should go apologize."

"Ok, ok! Where's her house?" asked Sasuke

"Her house?! Her house is gone, no thanks to you!"

"Wha?"

"After you insulted her she went home and cried until she died!"

"Is that even possible?" Naruto wondered.

"I guess so! The autopsy report concluded she died of "A broken heart"!"

"So….what happens to Sasuke's fan club?"

"He has no freakin fan club! It's over, finished! We've found someone else to be obsessed with!"

"Who's that?"

"Itatchi Uchiha."

"What!!!!!!! How the heck did that happen?!"

"See, last year the club decided to put a gold statue of Sasuke in front of the club house."

"Why?"

"I said we were obsessed, ok! Anyway it took all the resources we had to pay for it. Family, friends, dead relatives, black mail, threats, crime, bribes, ransom notes and even fund raisers."

"……"

"So, now were a club who hates Sasuke but have gold a statue of him in our front yard. After countless meetings it was suggested that instead of throwing a perfectly good $2,971,220 solid gold statue away, we could just chisel bags under the statue's eyes and it'll look like Itatchi."

"……….One more question." Asks Naruto. "Does this mean I'm more popular than Sasuke?"

"What do you think?! Of course it does! God, yo…you're like retarded!"

The girl storms off.

_Somewhere in the woods_

"Ninja art, Summoning!"

Shino summons a huge earth worm. And as wimpy as that sounds it's actually pretty strong…lookin. With sharp fangs and spiny coils covering it's body, this thing should'nt be taken lightly. Konohamaru and Shikamaru look on as Shino makes quick work out of the now helpless letches. But more danger was to come.

_Leaf Village Hospital: Room 187_

Ayame walks through the door.

"Hey, Choji I got your desse…"

The room was totaled. I.V liquid, tire tracks, broken windows, hair, Choji's ear ring, holes in the floor and wall, a box of cereal, a wheel chair brake, half-a bed, a bottle of Tylenol, a toenail and for some reason a wig was among the scene. No trace of Choji, Ino or Sakura can be found.

Somewhere in the woods

The letches are dead and the three have just rode out the ditch on the back of a giant worm.

"That was close."

Then

"Halt!" said a voice.

Our three Leaf ninja turn around to find 3 other ninja wearing headbands with a weird symbol on them.

The voice continues. "You are trespassing, and will be executed as punishment!"

Shikamaru tries to explain the situation only to be cut off.

"Silence!" Said the man. "I am Lord Numa Makeinu, the leader of the village hidden in the swamp!"

Note: Also Japanese words. Numa means swamp and Makeinu means loser.

Laughter ensues.

"Oh god, my ribs! Make it stop, make it stop!"

"Wha…what kind a villige!"

"I said silence!" He screamed, visibly angry. "All of you villages are the same! You think just cause we live in a swamp that we're some kinda sucky villiage, huh!"

"N…no..it's just….oh man….swam…swampy village!"

The laugher continues.

"Enough! I'll show you our power, Summoning jutsu!"

Lord Numa and his lackeys summon 3 huge snake like letches. Yeah I know, with the letches again. All laughter stops and a fierce battle begins.

_Leaf Village Mall_

"Then explain this Guy!"

Kakashi pulls out a picture. Guy can't believe his eyes.

"Wh….where did you get that!"

"From e-bay."

"Fro……seriously, E-bay?"

"Yep."

"Nooooooooo!"

"Nice to know your keeping in touch with your feminine side, Guy." Laughs Kakashi.

"I was 10 and curious, my sister tricked me!"

"I must say, that shade of lip stick does wonders for your complexion. And those shoes……simply stunning."

"Give it back!" Guy wines while chasing Kakashi around the women's table.

_Somewhere in the woods_

The battle rages, with one letch already defeated Shino struggles to stay in the fight.

"Shikamaru, I don't think we can keep this up much longer. Tell me you got some sorta plan."

"Not really, it's kinda hard to think on the back of a moving worm!"

The letches attack relentlessly, until finally a critical blow is dealt. The worm falls, beaten but not quite yet defeated.

"It's over! I'll be sure to send your corpses back to the leaf village." Laughs lord Numa.

"Darn, this is bad."

"What do we do Shikamaru?"

"……..I wish I knew."

Lord Numa and his one lackey charge forward on their letches. "Perish!!!"

"Shino!" Yells Shikamaru.

"I know, I know!"

Shino guides the worm and is barely able to dodge lord Numa's attack, due to it's injury.

"Die already! There's no way you can win!"

The lackey makes his move and manages to graze the opponent. The pair persistently attack our heros, waiting for the slightest mistake in movement. The minutes grow long and the worm's movements grow slower and slower, while the enemy's efforts grow more and more precise. Then finally a mistake.

"Die!!!"

"Shino!"

(Explosion)

"What!?" Yells Numa "Sm….smoke bombs?"

Both he and his lackey are encircled in thick smoke.

"Your cheap tricks can't help you!"

"Your right." Said Shikamaru.

"Wha?"

Lord Numa turns around, and is alarmed about what he sees. A sizable aura of chakra, protruding through the smoke like water running through a faucet.

"Ch…chakra?"

The smoke clears, revealing the 3 ninja engulfed in a blue flame and standing on top of the worm.

"How dare you underestimate the leaf village. We will show you what true power is!"

"You can't even do hand signs, what can you possibly do!"

"You're about to find out."

"What!"

"Enough chit chat, Konohamau, Shino!"

Both answer with a synchronized "Yes!"

"Bring it!"

Shino and Konohamaru continue. "Man beast Transformation, Sexy Jutsu!"

Fusing with the leaf ninja the worm is transformed into a giant woman. The sight gives Lord Kishima and his lackey the shivers and a case of nose bleed.

"What kinda ridiculous jutsu is that?!" Kishima screamed while holding his nose.

"Sexy jutsu! Straight from the teachings of Naruto Uzumaki." The 60ft woman replied.

"Nara who?"

"Naruto Uzumaki."

"Noruto Uzimoke?"

_Nearby running trail_

"What the….a giant….wow, she's pretty…..tall."

"Stop!"

"Most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I wonder…..could I ask her out?"

"Stop!"

"How would that work anyway? I mean…dag."

"Idate, stop!"

"Huh, someone calling m….meeeeeeeeeee!"

Tsk, tsk. Idate ran right off a cliff. And he would'a lived to, if he fell straight down instead of….not straight down. I mean, it was like playing pinball with massive sharp boulders and a human body that just happened to be Idate. Poor lad.

_Somewhere in the woods _

"Naruto Uzamake?"

"You illiterate fool! How hard is it?! Naruto U-z-u-m-a-k-i!!"

"You don't have to be so mean about it! Sheesh!"

"Forget this! Shadow possession!"

"Shadow posse…what?"

The 2 letches were easily trapped in the technique. Using Shadow Neck Bind she defeats the letches, leaving the Swamp shinobi helplessly falling to the ground. And they hit it pretty hard to.

"Oww!"

"Boss, my arm….it feels all hurty."

"Darn you!" Said Numa."Mark my words, I'll be.."

Our huge heroine deals the final blow, she steps on him. Ya know that crunch you hear when you step on a bug? Yeah.

_Leaf Village Mall_

Guy is still chasing Kakashi.

"Give it back!"

"Never!"

"I'm not playing, hand it over!"

"Nope…ah….huh?"

Kakashi stops after noticing that the women are not there, and that there is a piece of paper on the table.

"……….Sweet, a phone number!"

"What, where? It's mine!"

Both dive for the paper, trying their best not to rip it. Kakashi reaches for his cell phone, then remembers that Guy has it.

"Give me my cell phone!"

"In your dreams! I'm calling it myself!"

Guy dials the number with one hand while restraining Kakashi with the other.

(Ring)

"It's ringing!"

"You!"

Kakashi manages to grab half the phone, it's tug of war! And then…

"Hi, you have reached the rejection hotline……"

This challenge is a tie.

Cow Ninja

Your reviews and comments are appreciated.


	9. Sasuke

Ridiculous Challenges: Guy Sensei VS Kakashi Sensei

**SASUKE**

_Leaf Village Bar_

"Life sucks Kakashi."

"So true, so true."

"Rejection Hotline? Wha…who came up with that! I mean, that cut deep man, ya know."

"We are but wounded souls, lost in the sea that is….Life. Our hearts ripped out and drained of it's vital fluids until nothing remains. So empty, so alone, so…..hopeless."

"Exact…..are you reading your stupid book?!"

"Oh, sorry."

Kakashi puts the book away.

"I could use another round of beer, what about you?"

"I to will sit and drown my sorrows in beer."

"Good! We will drink and cry our eyes out, till…..whenever!"

CHALLENGE #9: ABSOLUTLY NOTHING

_Leaf Village Park_

Lee sits on a bench and cries. More like sobs. Ok silent crying.

"Stupid Sasuke, stupid Uchiha clan, stupid women!"

Lee's rant is interrupted when Naruto approaches, limping.

"Oww…Oh…hi Lee."

"Naruto, what happened?!"

"Well see…..it started right after I asked that girl if I was more popular than Sasuke."

_Flashback_

"……….One more question. Does this mean I'm more popular than Sasuke?"

What do you think?! Of course it does! God, yo…you're like retarded!"

The girl storms off.

Naruto turns toward Sasuke with a ridiculously wide grin on his face.

"Ha! I'm more popular than you Sasuke! That means…….you're the most hated person in the village now!"

"…….."

"And to have your fan club stolen by your brother…..god dag!"

"……."

"You…"

_Flashback end_

"The last thing I remember is Sasuke's fist."

For the record Naruto got more than Sasuke's fist. The bruises, black eyes, and ripped clothes confirm this.

"Naruto, maybe you should go to a hospital."

"Is that what it's called?"

"Huh?"

"I couldn't remember where you go when you get hurt."

"You couldn't remember?"

"Ever since….Sasuke, my memory's been a little foggy. Hey Lee, what's this ramen everybody's talking to me about?"

_Leaf Village Bar_

Ladies and gentlemen, for our first entertainment of the night, we have a song by: Might Guy, with ah….Kakashi Hatake on guitar.

(Applause) Guy and Kakashi enter the stage. Kakashi sits on the edge with an electric guitar while Guy stands with his back turned to the audience.

"Ladies and Gentleman. This is for every dude, whos ever been wounded by any woman….or women…….Hit it Kakashi!"

Kakashi plays a music solo. Upbeat but still soothing to the ears. The audience is memorized as the solo becomes softer and softer and then loud again as Guy turns around.

"Shot through the heart!  
And you're to blame,  
You give love a bad name!"  
(Bad name)  
(Bad name)

_Leaf Village Park_

Naruto and Lee are sitting on the bench.

"Sasukes been a real jerk lately."

"I know, sometimes I wish he was dead."

"You wish Sasuke was dead, huh?" said a voice from behind.

The two turn around to find a strange lookin ninja, with a massive sword.

"Who are you?" Asked Lee.

"……..I think I've seen him somewhere." Said Naruto.

The man pokes out his lip in disappointment.

"My name is Kisame. Kisame Hoshigaki."

"…….."

"I worked with Itachi."

"……."

"For god's sake, we tried to kidnap you!"

"Really? I don't remember that."

Kisame is visibly angry, but restrains himself form beating the knuckle head ninja with his sword.

"Excuse him." Said Lee "He as some memory loss."

"Is that so? Well, anyway…. I take it you hate Sasuke as well?"

"Well no…..i mean….yeah."

"Good. Then let's join forces, and kill em."

Naruto looks puzzled.

"What exactly do you have against Sasuke?"

Kisame closes his eyes. Seemingly in deep thought.

"We'll see….It started when me an Itachi were out walking with his fan club. Then Sasuke appeared."

_Flashback_

"Itachi! This is where you die! Chidori!!!"

Sasuke charges Itachi.

"Foolish little brother." Replied Itachi.

Kisame keeps his cool while the fan club panics.

"Don't do it Itachi!" They screamed "You'll get hurt!"

"Not to worry, he won't even be able to scratch me."

Sasuke leaps forward, aiming to strike. Itachi easily dodges and Sasuke hits the ground, creating a large crater. Regaining his composer, Sasuke powers up another chidori and again charges toward Itachi.

Kisame chews bubble gum.

"Tch, your even worse than you were before." Scuffed Itachi. "Such a disgrace to the Uchiha clan."

"Shut up!!"

"And what's this about not visiting your fan club and turning down large amounts of dates for no reason? You know how many people Kisame would kill just to go out with an ugly girl?"

"Thousands." Said Kisame "Thousands."

"I'm starting to think your gay Sasuke."

"I said shut up!!!!"

_Flashback interrupted._

"Could you just get to the point!" Yelled Naruto.

"Why you…..fine!"

_Flashback continues_

Sasuke thrust his third chidori at Itachi.

"A pity." Said Itachi, preparing himself to nullify the attack.

"You really are a fool." Laughed Kisame. "There's no way a punk like you could defeat (gasp)...Itatchi!!!"

Kisame and the fan club are shocked and horrified when Sasuke actually hits Itachi….with chidori. The blade runs clean through Itachi, ending his life. Kisame's gum drops to the ground at the same time as Itachi's body. Still in disbelief, Kisame and the club stare on as Sasuke skips off overjoyed at his victory.

_Flashback end_

Ok, as much as I would like to explain to you how in Sam hill this anomaly happened truth is…I have no idea myself. Maybe Itachi had a cramp and couldn't move or maybe he just spaced out (Like I frequently do) I'll just leave that to your imagination.

Naruto and Lee can't believe what they have heard.

"No…..way." whimpered Naruto. "He….he really killed Itachi? But how?"

"I…I don't know." Wept Kisame.

"How the heck can you not know!?"

"I don't frickin know!"

"That's…..pathetic."

"……"

"Down right pathetic."

"Are you gonna help us kill em or what?!"

"What do you mean us?"

Kisame steps aside, revealing 36 angry club members armed with axes, spears, scrolls, swords, chains, kunai and all kinda crap. One girl even strapped bombs to herself.

_Leaf Village Bar_

Guy and Kakashi dance in synchronized rhythm, while the crowd sings along.

Young man, there\'s no need to feel down  
I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground  
I said, young man, \'cause you're in a new town  
There\'s no need to be unhappy

"Here we go!! 3, 2, 1!"

It\'s fun to stay at the Y M C A  
It\'s fun to stay at the Y M C A  
They have everything for you men to enjoy  
You can hang out with all the boys

"That's right!"

_On the road to Sasuke's Apartment_

Kisame, Naruto, Lee and the girls march on but are stopped by someone blocking the path.

"Allow me to join you in destroying Sasuke."

Neji reveals himself. Barely standing due to his wound, Neji staggers forward.

"Neji, you're bleeding!"

"It's not fatal….i think. Never mind that. I cannot forgive Sasuke for what he has done."

"Great, another flashback."

"Well see….It all started when I was in the training grounds trying to commit suicide."

_Flashback_

"Tenten, we will soon be together. I cannot bear to live without you any longer, and so….I will take my life!"

Neji grabs his kunai and stabs himself. After coughing up a small amount of blood,. Neji again aims to stab himself.

"You're in my way." Said Sasuke, pushing Neji over and knocking the kunai out his hands. "Trying to kill yourself, huh?"

Neji groans in pain.

"I…its none of your concern….so leave."

"As if. I've got better things to do then watch some loser kill himself cause of some reject girl."

"You…take that back!"

"…….."

"Take it back!!!"

Neji reaches for the kunai and charges Sasuke. Due to the injury, Sasuke has no problem rendering Neji helpless. Sasuke then leaves the defeated Neji.

_Flashback end_

"That's so….sad." said Kisame. "Of course you may join us, friend."

_Leaf Village Gate_

Shikamaru, Shino and Konohamaru have reached home. Tired and battered they proceed to make their way to the hospital, that is….until they saw a beat up Choji hanging upside down from the top of the village gate.

"My god, Choji what happened?!"

"Shh…mar…u is that you?"

"Choji were gonna get you down, don't worry."

"Hurr…e. Blood to head is r…rushhhhing."

_Leaf Village Bar_

"Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena  
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena  
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena  
Ehhhhhhhhhh, Macarena!"

Need I say more?

_On the road to Sasuke's Apartment_

Our mob is almost at their destination when…..they spot Kiba lying in the road.

"Is he dead?" Wondered Kisame. "I bet Sasuke offed him."

Naruto pokes Kiba with a stick.

"Kiba? Kiiiiba?"

After about the third poke Kiba responds.

(Sniff) "What do you want?"

"Why are you lying in the middle of the road?"

"Well see… it…"

"Stop!" Yelled Lee "No more flashbacks, please!"

"But.."

"Na! Just tell us what he did. Short and to the point!"

"He…..killed Akamaru."

"Hey, Naruto." Whispered Kisame "Who's this Akamaru?"

"Oh, that's….. well it was Kiba's hamster."

"Interesting. Hey Lee can I hear this please?"

"No! What good will hearing it do?"

"Ah….deepen our hate for Sasuke?"

"Wha….why? We hate him enough as it is, I mean were going to kill him!"

"But i…"

"Alright! But hurry up!"

Everyone turns to Kiba.

"Well see… It all started when me and Akamaru were walking home from our date and ran in to Sasuke.

_Flashback_

"Well, well. If it isnt Sasuke Uchiha. I heard you couldn't get a date and that your whole fan club left you and on top of that you're the most hated man in the village now."

"……."

"How does it fell to hit rock bottom?"

Sasuke walks up, snatches Akamaru from Kiba's shoulder and throws him into a nearby river.

Kiba smiles.

"Nice try Sasuke, but Akamaru can swim."

Akamaru begins to paddle to shore but doesn't get very far cause a whale jumped up and took him.

"Akamaru!"

Sasuke laughs his head off while Kiba whales. Lol! Get it, Whales! Oh man.

_Flashback end_

"See. I hate Sasuke more already."

_Outside Leaf Village bar_

"I can't believe they kicked us out."

"I told you that song had too many curse words!"

"How was I supposed to know they'd be all offended? And it wasn't that bad."

"Are you seri….did you even look at the lyrics? There were children in the audience! Children aren't supposed to know about pimps and money makers!"

"What is a money maker anyway?"

_Sasuke's Apartment complex_

"Which one is his?"

"Crap. I've never been inside his apartment."

"So….how do you know this is his apartment complex?"

"I stalk Sakura frequently."

"Right ah….Lets just break down all the doors till we find em."

Door #1

"Sasuke, prepare to di….what the? Iruka sensei?"

"Naruto?"

"What's with the apron?"

"I'm….baking."

"You couldn't get a….manlier one?"

"This was my mothers' thank you!"

Door #2

"This is where it ends Sas….Oh god!"

"Naruto?! I can explain! I….I mean she…"

Naruto dashes out the door, trying not to puke.

"Naruto wait! Don't tell kurenai! I'll pay you! Naruto?!"

"Maybe I should leave?"

"Yeah, that'd be best."

The woman proceeds to leave.

"Wait." Said Asuma "You forgot your headband."

"Oh, thanks Asuma. Bye."

"Bye Anko."

Door #3

"Sasuke, we challen…..Temari? What are you doing here?"

"I…..was waiting for Shikamaru."

"This is Shikamaru's apartment?"

"Yes."

"But how did you?"

"He ah….gave me a key."

Naruto says nothing and walks out.

Door #4

"If this isn't the door, I swear I'm gonna kill somebody!" Says Kisame.

Naruto breaks through the door.

"Sasuke you will feel our…..Sasuke?"

"You idiot, my door! What the heck is your problem?!"

"Oh, sorry i…."

"Don't apologize to him!" yelled Kisame "Sasuke, we are here to kill you!"

"You and Naruto?"

"No. Me, Naruto, Neji, Kiba and Itachi's fan club."

"Just who do you think you are?"

"My name is Kisa…"

"I know what your name is you aquatic retard!"

"Enough of this!" Screamed a girl from the fan club (The one with the bomb strapped to herself) "I'll end you!"

The girl reaches for the detonator button.

"Run for your lives!" squealed Kisame as everyone scrambles to get away.

(Explosion)

The whole complex is toasted. More like torched being there's nothing left. Everyone emerges from the debris unhurt but covered in charcoal and dirt.

"Man, I had no idea that chick was suicidal."

"My house!" Cried Sasuke. "You morons ruined my house!"

"The house is the least of your worries!" Said Naruto "Sasuke, we are sick and tired of your crap, so therefore you must die!"

"I'm afraid I can't let you do that." Said Orochimaru.

Everyone looks on as Orochimaru and Kabuto walk from the shadows and are now standing beside Sasuke.

"It's been a long time Kisame."

"Orochimaru, just what are you tryin to do?"

"I'm here to protect Sasuke."

"Wait a minute!" Said Lee "You said you had no more use for Sasuke."

"Green boy, I have use for anybody who can defeat Itachi."

"Get in our way and you'll die to!" Said Kisame, readying his sword."

"Try it!"

"Hold it!" Says a voice from the debris.

Everybody turns to see Iruka helping Asuma out of the rubble.

"I don't know what's going on, but we…."

"Get off of me!"

"Huh?"

"I said get off!" Yelled Temari.

"Oh, sorry."

Iruka and Asuma help Temari on her feet.

"As I was saying, I don't know what's going on, but we cannot allow you to fight."

"And how do you plan to stop us?" Asked Orochimaru. "And what's with that gay apron?"

"Yeah" said Asuma "Whats up with that?"

"Shut up! This was my mother's apron! All of you, your all under arrest….surrender now!"

Both parties unite and beat the crap out of Iruka and Asuma. Temari tries to escape on her fan but is eventually shot down (Iruka and Asuma being the bullet) All three spiral to the ground.

"Now we can fight in peace."

"Give up, you're outnumbered."

"Numbers mean nothing!"

"Prepare to die!"

"Stop!" Cried Ayame.

"What is it now?!" Everyone screamed.

"Violence is not the answer. Why can't you settle your differences in some other way?"

"No!!!!"

"Please, hear me out! Why don't you have a friendly competition?"

"What?"

"Like an Olympic games."

"Are you serious?"

"Why not?"

After discussing among themselves a conclusion has been reached.

"We'll do it! But when we win we get to kill Sasuke, deal?"

"Fine and when we win you have to……ah…….rebuild Sasuke's house."

"So be it."

"Alright." said Ayame "Everyone be here tomorrow at 9am."

"Wait a minute." Kabuto interrupted "They have more players than us. Its 40 vs. 3."

"Don't worry, the girls won't be playing. They'll be more like cheerleaders."

"It's still 5 vs. 3."

"That's where we come in." Said Sakura.

_Leaf Village Hospital Entrance_

"We made it, finally."

"Thank god."

"Choji, you should lose a couple pounds…..no joke."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Do you hear something?"

Before they could reach the door Asuma, Temari, and Iruka slammed smack in front of them. The impact was earth quaking. No bones were broken and nobody was hurt…..until Temari's fan fell through the hospital roof and hit all the support beams. The hospital collapsed……then fell on a daycare center next door.

Cow Ninja

Please find it in your heart to review.


	10. Games

Alright guys, I am sorry to say this will be the last chapter for this story. Yeah, I know it sucks. But…all good things must come to an end eventually. I really appreciate your taking the time to read my story, cause as I said "a story with no readers is just there." I have also enjoyed your comments. The "You sick cruel, but funny, physco!" comment was priceless. And no Originalatorian, I am not on crack. If milk was crack then yes but….anyway I thank you all. However I do have a small request. I kinda have a bet riding on how many reviews I get so…..for the love of god help me out! I mean that in the most respectful way possible. In conclusion, I hope I went out with a bang and maybe my next story will have just as much or more success. Thank you!

Ridiculous Challenges: Guy Sensei VS Kakashi Sensei

**GAMES**

_Akatsuki Lair _

"Master, are you watching Days of Our Ninja again?"

"Shut up! This is an important episode!"

TV:

How could you?!

I'm sorry Lord Hokage, I truly am. I should have told you sooner.

I…I thought we had something special! Was it all a lie?!

No, not at all my Lord. It's just that….I'm pregnant. (Shocking music)

Don't tell me… (More shocking music)

Yes, the father is the sand village's lord Kazakage. (Womp womp womp)

Of all the ninja, him of all people. Why…..why couldn't it just have been an Anbu? Even the whole squad would have been better then the……Kazakage. (Sad music)

My lord….ah, speaking of Anbu I….

Don't tell me…..

(Buzz/Static)

"What the….."

TV: We interrupt this program to bring you a special event, please stand by….

"Oh come on!"

TV: Good evening, and welcome to an event unlike any other before! Broadcasting to you, live from the Hidden Leaf Village…The first ever and most likely the only Kill Sasuke Games! Here are your host: Might Guy and Kakashi Hatake!

_Leaf Village Stadium _

"Greetings to all, and to all greetings! As mentioned we are coming to you live from the Leaf Village! I'm Might Guy and this is my co. host Kakashi Hatake!"

"That's right Guy. Welcome to the Kill Sasuke Games, an event so enormous we felt the need to hack into all known TV stations just to share it."

"That we did."

"Before we get down to the action, we'd like to take some time to explain….well everything."

"It's the least we could do."

"First, just what is the Kill Sasuke Games?"

"It's a competition, where two teams battle it out to determine the fate of the Leaf Village's own- Sasuke Uchiha! It's life or death!"

"Second, what inspired this….phenomenon?"

"A common hate for one man- Sasuke Uchiha!"

"Third, why should our viewers care?"

"One word…..violence."

"Right….and forth, who will be competing?"

"I don't have a clue, can't really see anything from this booth we're locked in but….we do have a man stationed out in the field! Let's go to Gaara. Gaara, just who will be competing in the Kill Sasuke Games?!"

_On the field _

"Thank you Guy. It is my understanding that the two teams will consist of 5 players each, and are as follows:

Team Kill- Led by Kisame Hoshigaki, followed by: Naruto Uzumaki, Neji Hyuga, Rock Lee, and Kiba Inuzuka.

Team Sasuke- Led by Sasuke Uchiha, followed by: Orochimaru, Kabuto Yakushi, Sakura Haruno, and Ino Yamanaka.

"Standing with me now is leader of Team Kill, Kisame Hoshigaki. Tell us Kisame, what is your purpose?"

"To kill Sasuke!!!"

"Then go and prove your existence!! Back to you Guy."

"Ah….yes….thank you for that, Gaara. Well, I don't know about you Kakashi but my moneys on Team Sasuke."

"You're betting against your own pupil?"

"It's nothing personal, really."

"You're on."

"Huh?"

"The bet. I mean this is the last chapter and we are still tied in our little contest, so…"

"Ya got a point. Ok, loser admits defeat, recognizes the other as his superior and the other challenges mean nothing."

"Fine."

"Well ladies and gentleman it's time for our first commercial brake, but we'll be right back so stay tuned!"

* * *

_Akatsuki Lair_

"Deidara, get the popcorn."

"Way ahead of you master! Extra butter?"

* * *

_Leaf Village Stadium _

Guy: We are back, live and ready to begin the slaughter! The first event of the day will be (Drum roll) Football!

Kakashi: This is gonna be rich!

Guy: You can say that again! But folks this will be no ordinary football game. We promised you violence so…..things such as: Kunai, shuriken, paper bombs, swords, nun chucks, Taijutsu and most forms of Ninjutsu can be used! No Genjutsu, cause it doesn't look that good on TV.

Kakashi: Well, looks like our team of referees are taking the field.

Guy: Wow. And they look just like Ayame, Shikamaru, Konohamaru and Shino.

Kakashi: Let's just go to the field shall we.

_On the field_

"We will be your referees. Team Sasuke, call heads or tails."

Ayame flips coin.

"Heads."

Coin lands on tails

"Team Kill, will you receive or punt?"

"Receive, of course."

"Very well. Teams take your positions."

(Whistle blows)

Kakashi: There's the kick off!

Guy: And it looks like Lee will be receiving for Team Kill. Lee has the ball and….

"Gate of li…"

"Noooo!"

"Huh?"

"Don't just open the gates like that!" yelled Neji.

"Just run, we'll cover you!" said Kisame. "C'mon Naruto."

Guy: Its total mayhem folks! Shadow and water clones of Lee have covered the field, but which one is the real Lee!

"Blast!" Yelled Orochimaru "Cursed clones!"

"Shut up and cut!" Snapped Sasuke. "Fire style: Fireball jutsu!"

Kakashi: Tsk, tsk. You'll have to do better than that Sasuke.

"Forget this! Reanimation!"

(Whistle blows)

Kakashi: That can't be good.

Guy: Let's see what our refs have to say.

"Illegal jutsu, defense, 30 yard penalty. 1st down!"

"What?!" Screamed Orochimaru "Illegal jutsu?! Illegal jutsu?! Are you frickin retarded?!"

"Orochimaru, this is your first warning."

"Wa…warning?! How dare you, I'm one of the frickin Sanen!"

Kakashi: And it looks like some altercation is taking pla..(Hacking sound)…oh, ah lets….oh god.. th.."

Guy: Cut to commercial, cut to commercial! Are you deaf?! Turn the camera off!"

Kakashi: Run Ayame Run!

Guy: Where's the camera crew?! We can't show this kinda violence on TV!

Kakashi: NOOOOOOOOOO!

_Camera crew _(Somewhere on the field)

"Lord Orochimaru is so…..cool."

"Yes, the way he swings that sword with his tongue is like….perfection."

"Hey guys, the booth just called and they want us to turn to commercial. Like, now."

"But this is like, the best part."

"I know but…."

"Since when do you listen to trash like that?!"

"Wha…Watch your mouth fatso!"

"You….you said you weren't gonna call me fat anymore!" (Sob)

"Lo…aright I'm sorry Jirobo, I didn't mean to call you…ya know."

"…….."

"Just….Can you please turn to commercial? Please?"

"Fine."

"Thank you. Im gonna go find Tayuya, she's takin to long with the food."

* * *

Guy: We are back and….one referee short.

Kakashi: While you were away Orochimaru was ejected from the football game, and Team Kill grabbed an easy victory. By the way, if anybody would like to fill in the Last referee spot please call us.

Guy: Before we move on to the next game, a poll question for the audience. We want to know who you think will take home the gold, and possibly Sasuke's head. We'll announce the results later in the show.

Kakashi: Game 2 is already underway so let's go to the Field. Its baseball by the way.

_On the Field_

Guy: Kabuto has managed to prevent a home run so far, but with the bases loaded and one more batter left, how will he do?

"Heck no, that's cheating!"

"How is this cheating?!"

"You can't use a sword for a bat! Use a wooden one like everybody else!"

"Ur just scared."

"N…Ref!"

Shikamaru, Konohamaru and Shino slowly approach Kabuto.

"Ah..wh…wah….what seems to be the problem?"

"Tell this fool he cannot use that giant sword!"

"Well..see….actually he ah….ca…ca can."

"The he…!"

"Kabuto!" Said Sasuke "Just let it go. He can use the stupid sword all he wants, we're still gonna catch the ball…Ok."

"Stupid…."

Kakashi: And there's the pitch a..(Unpleasant grinding sound)

Guy: God dag! Kabuto just got lit!

"My eye Lord Orochimaru, my eye!!!"

Guy: And Kisame has just led his team to yet another victory.

Kakashi: That's just..g…somebody get that man some Neosporin.

Guy: At least he caught the ball.

_Akatsuki Lair_

"Good one Kisame!"

"Four eyes didn't know what hit him!"

(Laughter)

Guy: I think this calls for a break, don't you?

Kakashi: Yeah ah, we'll be back as soon as……possible

* * *

Kakashi: We are back and reconsidering this whole live thing. Seriously, we are.

Guy: Folks, We're approving the halfway mark of our program. And what would half time be without special entertainment? So without further ado here's Neji and Kisame singing a duet: The award winning theme song for the hit movie titanic, My heart will go on!

_On the Field _

"This song is dedicated to Itachi Uchiha and Tenten. We miss and love you both."

Audience: Awwwwwwwwwwwww

(Music starts)

Neji: Every night in my dreams  
I see you, I feel you  
That is how I know you go on

Kisame: Far across the distance and spaces between us  
You have come to show you go on

Both: Near far wherever you are  
I believe that the heart does go on  
Once more you open the door  
And you're here in my heart  
And my heart will go on and on

"You're both frickin gay!" Yelled Orochimaru

_Akatsuki Lair _

"All in favor of kicking Kisame out of the Akatsuki say I."

(All) "I!"

"Gay I tell you, gay!" Ranted Orochimaru.

Both (Neji and Kisame): You're here, there's nothing I fear  
And I know that my heart will go on  
We'll stay forever this way  
You are safe in my heart  
And my heart will go on and on

(Music stops and audience cheers)

"Booooooo!" continued Orochimaru "Kabuto, help me boo!"

"Yes, Lord Orochimaru. Boooooooo, you suck!" (Kabuto now wears an eye patch over one eye)

Kakashi: Let's take a small commercial break

* * *

Kakashi: We are back and ready to begin the 3rd event- The relay race!

_On the field_

"Runners take your marks. Get set. Go!!"

Guy: And they are off! Kabuto in front with Neji not far behind.

Kakashi: This is a critical race for Team Sasuke. If they lose this, it'll be the end for Sasuke.

Guy: Both runners approaching the hand off point. Still neck and neck.

Kakashi: Clean hand-off, and now it's Kiba and Ino battling it out!

Guy: Ino seems to be struggling, but somehow keeping it close.

Kakashi: Close indeed. Second hand-off coming up!

(Hand-off to Naruto and Sakura)

Guy: Until now, I never noticed how annoying orange and pink are.

Kakashi: You have no idea. Anyway, while that's going on, let's take a moment to check those poll results.

Guy: I completely forgot about that.

(Hand-off to Kisame and Orochimaru)

Kakashi: Show the results!

(Results come up)

Kakashi: Looks like 78 of you think Team Kill will be victor, while the other 22 are sticking with team Sasuke.

(Hand off to Lee and Sasuke)

"This is no good, Sakura."

"Yeah. Lee's to fast, even for Sasuke."

"We have to do something."

"Like what? They're on the other side of the field."

"…….I got an idea. Quick, follow me!"

Kakashi: What incredible speed! The final 2 runners are approaching the finish line. It looks as if Team Kill will have a clean sweep and Guy will suffer a damaging blow to his ego.

Guy: Shut up!

"Hurry up Sakura!"

"Ino, can you at least tell me what we're doing?!"

"Shhhhh! Here they come!"

Kakashi: It's over folks! Team Kill has….

"Hey Lee, Sakura's not wearing any underwear!!!"

Lee trips, followed by the sound of flesh being ripped by pavement.

Kakashi: Lord Jesus!

(Buzz/ Static)

TV: We are terribly sorry, this program has been temporarily stopped due to graphic nature of Lee's injures. We will resume momentarily, thank you.

* * *

Guy: Sorry about that delay folks, but we are back. Before we continue, we'd like to give you an update on Rock Lee.

Kakashi: Amazingly, Lee is alive. But, due to losing 97 of his skin he will not be able to compete anymore.

Guy: I figured something like this would happen. The boys just too eager, always jumping without thinking (sigh)

Kakashi: You're one to talk. Anyway….Since we didn't think something like this would happen, a replacement has been randomly picked.

Guy: Random indeed. The person replacing Lee will be (Drum roll) none other than Hinata Hyuga!

Kakashi smacks his forehead.

Guy: (Snickers) Looks like you're gonna be the one losing this bet Kakashi! Let's go down to the field, where the next game is about to start. By the way, Team Sasuke won the last event cause….well…..they just won. Next game: Volley ball!

_On the field _

"Team Sasuke to serve." (Whistle blows)

"This'll be easy." Laughed Sasuke.

(Sasuke hits the ball, intentionally aiming at Hinata)

Guy: There's the serve!

Instead of hitting the ball, she cowardly dodges.

Guy: And Team Sasuke has scored the 1st point of the game!

Kakashi: This can't be happening.

Guy: Oh, but it is.

(Team Sasuke scores another point)

Kaskahi: This can't be happening.

Guy: It is Kakashi, it is.

(Another point)

Kakashi slams his head on the table.

Guy: Ladies and gentleman, there's really no reason for you to see this massacre so let's take another commercial break but when we return; more madness and more of Kakashi crying up next!

* * *

Guy: Welcome back! Team Sasuke has just crushed Team Kill 60 to 0, no lie. I don't even think a 60 in Volley Ball is possible. It was pretty pathetic actually, not as pathetic as Kakashi and Hinata crying like little girls but still pathetic.

Kakashi: I was not crying!

Guy: Whatever, let's go down to the field for the final event: Soccer! With the score tied at 2, who will emerge victorious?!

_On the field _

The Teams are huddled, no doubt strategizing.

Team Sasuke:

All 5 stand and sharpen their weapons while laughing with sickening evilness. The laughter is so evil, a foul aura can be seen flowing from the Team.

Team Kill:

"We are so dead."

"Don't worry." Said Kiba "I have a plan."

"What kinda plan?"

"Like I said, don't worry."

"…….."

Kiba grabs Hinata and drags her to the locker room.

3 minutes later

Guy: And it looks like the teams are ready

Kakashi: Let the final battle begin!

(Whistle blows)

Kakashi: And it's Team Sasuke who take 1st possession! Look at Orochimaru go!

"I'll end this quickly!" said the Sanen as he ran down the field. In a matter of seconds, having easily out maneuvering Kiba and Naruto and slithering his way past Kisame, Orochimaru was now yards from Neji. (Neji and Kabuto are the goalies)

"It's ov…..gaaa…err."

The everyone is driven to silence as Hinata has just used her gentle fist technique pierce Orochimaru's organs.

Guy and Kakashi: Oh…

Audience: My…

Akatski: Frickin…

"God!" Yelled Orohimaru as he fell to the ground.

The whole stadium became trapped in a daze of shock and fear.

"That's impossible." Said Neji, using his byakugan to examine the true extent of the sanen's injures. "Impossible!"

"Wh…..who is this chick!!" stuttered Kisame, now hugging his sword in fear.

"No way."

"Get up lord Orochimaru!" pleaded Kabuto "Please, get u…"

Before Kabuto could finish his sentence, Hinata had already kicked the ball. Ripping past the still stunned Sasuke, Ino and Sakura the projectile makes its way toward Kabuto. The slow reacting four eyed ninja manages to deflect it…….with his other eye.

"My other eye!!!"

Kabuto falls to his knees. Unable to do anything but bear the pain from his bleeding eye and possibly cracked cranium, Kabuto sits and moans. Hinata prepares for the second kick, this one couldn't possibly miss.

Kakashi: She's kicking it again!

The audience cringes as Hinata kicks the ball.

"Chidori!!"

The ball implodes on impact, leaving shreds of soccer ball raining onto the field.

"Don't take us so lightly!" Sasuke cried as he charged for Hinata.

Kakashi: I think it's safe to say, this isn't a game anymore.

Guy: You're probably right.

Kakashi: Probably?!

Meanwhile, Sasuke and Hinata display such amazing Taijutsu that Lee is brought to tears.

"Such amazing Taijutsu." Cried Lee

"Lee?!!" pointed Naruto "You're not supposed to be here!"

"Naruto, we are a team. No matter what the cost, no matter the pain we must see to it that Sasuke is destroyed. Is that not what we promised to do? For the sake of that promise, my friends, and my ninja way, I will continue to fight!"

"You can't fight, you don't have any skin!!"

"Skin or not, I will fight!"

"Lee."

"He's right." Said Kisame, hurling his sword at Sasuke.

Sasuke has no choice, and is forced to leap away from Hinata.

The two teams face off, staring at one another with a great intensity. Even the audience is drawn in. The intensity was so great that everyone failed to realize that Orochimaru was up and making hand signs, with the sound four standing around him.

"Summoning Jutsu!!"

Kakashi: Ok, this is really getting out of hand! Where are the referees?!

(Shikamaru, Shino and Konohamaru hightailed it out of there right about after Orochimaru was floored by Hinata)

Guy: Gone Kakashi, gone.

Kakashi: Oh boy.

"There's no way you can win!" Laughed Orochimaru, still in pain.

"Oh yeah?!" replied Naruto "Summoning Jutsu!"

The whole audience literally falls out of their seats after seeing Gamakichi.

Kakashi: What the fu…

(Guy slaps his hand over Kakashi's mouth)

Guy: My thoughts exactly, but we can't say that on national television….or in this story for that matter.

"This is ridiculous!" Yelled Sasuke "Let's just kill them already!"

And so the battle began. A splendid battle indeed. The audience was mesmerized……that is until people started getting killed by stray projectiles and jutsu. Then they ran like heck.

Guy: I think it's time to leave.

Kakashi: Right behind you.

_Tsunade's office_ (3 weeks later)

"This is an S ranked mission. The both of you will need to work together."

"No problem, Lady Tsunade."

"I trust there will be no stupid games of any kind."

"None whatsoever."

"Good, now get out."

_Leaf Village Gate_

Guy and Kakashi await the arrival of their teams.

"You guys are late."

"Sorry Kakashi sensei." Said Sakura "Those two idiots took forever!"

"It's not my fault!" pointed Kisame. "The Ramen stand was Naruto's idea!"

"My fault?! You're the one who ordered fish sticks!"

"So?!"

"Why can't you guys be happy? It's a beautiful day." Sang Neji as he skips along with Tenten "Smile, smile, smile."

"Ya know, ever since Neji cloned Tenten he's been gettin creepier." Said Lee.

"Lee?! Why are you here?!" Yells everyone.

"Skin or not, I will fight!"

Cow Ninja

Well, as I said this is the last chapter for this story. Thank you all again.

P.S: Just what did Kiba do to Hinata in the locker room? Was it something he said? I want to know what you guys think. If you can, post your thoughts in the review section. By all means be creative, daring and bold. Try to keep it T- rated please, no foul language please. Thank you!!!!

And yes, Sasuke is dead. "Celebrate good times, c'mon!"

And no, nobody wins this challege. It's a tie!


End file.
